The laughter therapy program has hit the road.  The Joy/Terry/Cherri serum moved on this morning.  I have suggested to them that they designate themselves The Three Therapists (like the three Tenors) and develop a supplemental source of income.

Mary Ann was determined to get to her Bible Study this morning.  We left for church while the three were still at the house.  Actually, it made the good-byes a little easier. The process of getting out of the house this morning resulted in our being a few minutes late for the Bible Study. She had a mild fainting spell.  Mary Ann hates being late, but the group was tolerant of us when we arrived.  I felt bad interrupting, but I knew Mary Ann needed the time with them.  Apparently, she did reasonably well there.

After the Bible Study, we headed to McFarland’s to eat.  Mary Ann did reasonably well there also.  At the end of the meal, she seemed to weaken.  I needed to accept the help of a thoughtful customer to get her coat on as she tried to stand in front of her wheel chair.

It was not long after we got home that she ended up in bed napping.  That happened just at the time Hospice Nurse Emily arrived to check in and do Vitals.  Mary Ann’s blood pressure was about what it should be for a twenty-five year old.  It vacillates so much that I am seldom surprised by how high or low it is when measured.

Mary Ann slept soundly for a few hours this afternoon.  She got up for supper, but was in bed again fairly early this evening.  So far she seems to be sleeping well.

While the Hospice Nurse was here for a while, and the workers were using power saws, providing some noise and activity, it just seemed too quiet around here with the crew from the north on their way back home.  I realize just how boring life is much of the time for Mary Ann.

Certainly all the activity did wear Mary Ann out.  It will be interesting to see how much sleeping she does in the next couple of days.  It is a very good tired.  What a wonderful way to become worn out.  I suspect that the endorphins released by the laughter are still working their healing magic inside of her.

The challenge for me will be to find ways to bring interest and stimulation into her days.  It is a daunting challenge.  I have tried before with very limited success.  The limitations that have come with her recent decline have made the challenge even more difficult.

The day will be busy tomorrow. At the end of next week, Daughter Lisa and the family will come to stay with us for about a week.  Combined with the remodeling project, I hope there will be enough to keep her engaged.

Right now, we need some prayers for Granddaughter Chloe (11 years old), who has not been able to shake a undiagnosed problem with nausea that has been going on for a couple of weeks.  Prayers are for a clear and concise diagnosis and effective treatments, please.

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The cure for what ails Mary Ann has been discovered.  Their names are Joy, Terry, and Cherri.  She has laughed and talked and asked questions and given answers. The feisty lady I married has returned.

At one point today we were all laughing so hard, that I, for one, had to wipe watering eyes. Mary Ann was laughing just as hard.  It is a wonder that we weren’t thrown out of Baskin & Robbins for rowdy behavior.

Another time one of the three said to Mary Ann she could hardly believe that she had been married to a Minister for 44years, to which Mary Ann said “Me, too.”  Mary Ann asked one of the three how someone in her circle was doing.  It was a completely appropriate question coming from a full awareness of their history together.  I could  hardly believe my ears.

When Mary Ann and I have been alone together today, or occasionally when she talked quietly with me, she was having mild hallucinations about one thing or another.  She wanted me to clean up the pile of poop on the carpet.  She was looking at the transformer on Cherri’s little Notebuook computer.  When engaged with her three friends, she was completely lucid and able to track what was going on.

Mary Ann slept like a log last night.  The Girls wore her out.  It was a good tired.  It allowed her to sleep well.  This morning she was up for an hour or so before Bath Aide Zandra came, but we held off on taking her morning meds.  As hoped, Zandra had no problems with her, there was no fainting.  She took her meds after the shower/hair washing/dressing time.

Mary Ann did have a mild fainting spell when we were all gathered in the kitchen, having some breakfast, but the girls had seen that before a time or two when we visited them up north a couple of years ago.

After talking for a while, we headed out for a lunch at a great sandwich place called the Classic Bean.  We had a good time there.  After that Mary Ann had an appointment with her Primary Care Physician.  Blood tests had good numbers, there was no need for any change.  Since we see the Cardiologist and Neurologist regularly, he did not mess with those meds.

Next came the trip to Baskin & Robbins, described above.  She wolfed down two scoops of Gold Medal Ribbon as fast as I could get the spoonfuls to her mouth.  We did a mini-tour of a couple of spots with great views and returned to our house for more talk.  In the morning and again in the afternoon, I retreated to my office to give them time to talk without a guy present.  Some things are just better not to know!

I had gotten a frozen Lasagna, a loaf of Asiago Cheese Faccaccia bread and a large container of salad greens when at the store yesterday.  For supper we had a buffet style relaxed meal with a bottle of good red wine.

The three are planning to leave in the morning to head back to Northern Illinois.  I think they were thrilled with how well Mary Ann did while they were here.  A couple of them have been reading these posts, so they were expecting a much more subdued Mary Ann, far less able to be involved and responsive in their conversations with her  The Mary Ann they have known for all these years emerged to spend time with them.

While none of us can stop the disease process in its tracks, the Parkinson’s Disease Dementia took a beating these last twenty-four hours.  For a while it lost its grip and Mary Ann returned.  I will be bold in lobbying for more visits as the months go by, assuming Mary Ann stabilizes.

When the mail came today, there was a wonderfully goofy surprise.  My Sister Gayle saw something she just had to get and send to Mary Ann.  It is a stuffed Donald Duck about 16″ tall.  When a button is pushed, he sings “Polly Wolly Doodle” and walks around.  If he is picked up by the ears, he screams, “Put me down!”  Needless to say there was more laughter when Donald performed.  Gayle knows Mary Ann well.  There were a number of individually wrapped Fannie Mae chocolate candies included in the package.

Mary Ann is in bed now and seems to be settled.  She has to be very tired with such a full day of activity.  As always, I will not presume to predict how the night will go.  I will just hope she sleeps well.

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By the time they arrived she was a little more subdued.  When she got up this morning, she was her feisty self, the one I have known for almost 48 years, smart-ass comments and all (excuse my French as we used to say — no offense intended to those of French ancestry).  There was laughter wound into the interactions.  It was a good morning.

In the course of our interactions, she asked me to tell her about what went on last weekend.  I asked for more help in determining what she was referring to, since I couldn’t remember what went on last weekend.  I thought maybe she was referring to the trip to Oklahoma a couple of weeks ago.  She said that maybe it was just a fantasy, but she recalled events including (again) my wedding to Lulu, this time including some sort of Evangelist and someone stopping the wedding just in time.

I reiterated that I refuse to marry someone named Lulu and she is not going to get rid of me by palming me off on some other woman.  She is stuck with me to the bitter end, mine or hers.  This time she did not seem upset about what she was remembering.  She seemed to understand that it was not real. The conversation was clear and rational, if the content was not.

After such a good hour or two, she needed to use the bathroom.  She fainted three times during our stay there.  Each time we got up for me to do my part in the task, she fainted again.  They were not just momentary lapses but substantial ones.  After that series of episodes, she was very tired and her eyes slammed shut.  If no company was coming, she would probably have gone to bed for a couple of hours or more.

Since company was coming, I did not offer and she did not ask to lie down.  When the crew from Kansas City arrived, she was able to rally to a level of alertness that allowed good interaction for a number of hours as we talked, ate out, drove around a bit and returned home.

When we ate out, she fed herself the sandwich.  Yesterday, she had fed herself some of the time.  When the huge cup of ice cream came after lunch, she insisted on trying to eat it herself.  She often turns the spoon upside down when eating.  It is hard to watch without trying to turn it right side up, but when she is in her determined mood, she refuses to change that pattern.  Finally, after I asked her quietly if she would let me help, she agreed.  At that point she had been working a long time without getting much ice cream into her mouth.  As has happened before, the love of ice cream trumped the pride standing in the say of getting it into her mouth.  It does seem to me that she is regaining a little of her ability to feed herself.

What we did was quite secondary to doing it with folks with whom we have a long history, folks with whom we can be ourselves.  They are folks who have come to be almost extended family.  They are all University of Missouri grads and have little use for the Kansas teams.  None of us is perfect.

In the crew of eight of us there have been struggles of all sorts.  We each have stories to tell.  One in the group has had a chronic form of ALS that was diagnosed maybe eight or so years ago (not sure of the exact timing), long after symptoms of something had been apparent. She, her husband were not able to come since she broke her knee cap and is finishing up a long rehab.  The wife of one who came could not travel yet after a painful test for a problem yet to be diagnosed.

Mary Ann slept on the couch for a couple of hours after they left.  She just did not want to go in the bedroom to nap.  I am inferring from her reluctance to nap in the bedroom lately that she feels if she is in the living room or kitchen, the napping will not be as long.  She will not lose as much of the day.  She will still be in the heart of activity, even if dozing.

The project is continuing to progress.  The sheet rock is up and the first coat of mud is almost complete. It will need to cure until Monday, when Mary Ann’s friends from Junior High years on will be visiting from Northern Illinois.  That is, of course, when the sanding will begin.  The girls and Mary Ann may need to spend time in the lobby sitting area of the hotel to avoid flying plaster dust.  It will be nice to have an alternative place to spend time. After having the view through the sun room glass (even though still covered with cloudy plastic sheets) for a day and a half now, I cannot even imagine the house without it.

After getting up from her nap, Mary Ann was not hungry and would not eat any supper. After I started eating some leftovers, she did eat a few chips and a cookie.  I have little doubt there will be a need for food some time during the night.

While there is no clear reason for Mary Ann to have been doing so much better the last few days, we will take it and simply celebrate.  We have certainly had more than our share of bad days and there will be more to come.  As always, they will come one at a time.  We will deal with each when it arrives.

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She asked, “Do you need some help?”  She was at the table for pills and breakfast this morning (6:15am) looking across the table at someone or something.  I asked her who she was talking to. She answered, “Santa Claus.”  She was serious.

Then she asked if I had talked with our Daughter, Lisa, last night.  She heard Lisa saying, “Help me.”  Lisa, of course, lives in Kentucky.  She saw Granddaughter Ashlyn, who also lives in Kentucky, on the other side of the table doing something, she wasn’t clear what. I am not sure I convinced her that Lisa and the girls were not here in the house.

I had gone to bed extra early last night in hopes of catching up on some sleep, but it was another difficult night.  She was up a number of times. Twice (in the 3am to 5am territory) she got up for some reason and ended up on the floor next to her bed.  She was not hurt at all.  I was having some distressing back/rib pain that made it unrealistic for me to try to lift her.   I pulled over the walker and tried to position it and hold it down so that she could very slowly and with great difficulty pull herself up enough each time to get into a sitting position on the bed.

The Bath Aide, Zandra, came to give her a shower and wash her hair later in the morning.  Zandra commented that it was the first time Mary Ann had seemed to be almost completely unresponsive to her.  She also reported that Mary Ann had been handling the thin gold chains she often thinks she has in her hands.  When we talked about the day at supper time tonight, Mary Ann said she could not remember Zandra being here at all today.

She certainly had no memory of the rest of the day since she went down for a nap around 10am or 10:15am,and did not get up until 4:50pm.  She only ate a small container of yogurt and a muffin for supper.  She watched some television and we moved into a time of intestinal activity that included a number of trips demanding my help in obtaining results concluding with some unaided production.  Hopefully, she will feel better for a while.  She has settled on to the bed at about 7pm and is napping again.  I don’t know if she will get up for a while later or l just get up to take her bedtime pills at 8:30pm, change for bed and then lie back down for the night. The odds of Mary Ann sleeping much tonight are slim to none.

During the day there were two Volunteers, Rebecca and Clarene, with Mary Ann at different time, one right after the other.  While I had the benefit of the time away, Mary Ann and each of the Volunteers had no time to enjoy one other’s company.  She slept through the entire time each of them was there.

The time today provided me a chance to lunch with a good friend.  It was helpful to be able to talk openly about lots of the dynamics in our lives.  Later, there was  long conversation over coffee with another good friend.  It was especially helpful to have those times in safe settings with trusted friends to process the more challenging place to which we have come in our household at this point in our journey.

This afternoon the new batch of Seroquel arrived.  Tonight I will increase the dosage from 100mg to 125mg.  I will continue that for three days, then move to 150mg.  To be honest, I don’t actually expect it to make any difference in the hallucinations.  I could be wrong about that, and I would like very much to be wrong about that.  When we tried increasing to 125 last fall for a couple of weeks, it did not seem to make any difference at all.  On the hopeful side, it has often been our experience that a medication had virtually no effect until it reached the therapeutic level.  Maybe 150mg will take Mary Ann across a threshold that 125mg did not yet breach.

I am concluding this post earlier in the evening than usual, hoping, not expecting, but hoping for a few hours of uninterrupted sleep.

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Mary Ann slept reasonably well last night — back to a more normal pattern of getting up to use the commode.  She was up before 6am for some food, but was willing to lie back down for a while.  She got up at 7am for food and pills.  She did pretty well, handling most of the consumption on her own — just a little help with some of the yogurt.  She continues to be able to hold her head up, at least for a while.  She is communicating a little better.

She was up for about two hours and is now back in bed.  Yesterday late afternoon she was up for about two and a half hours.  I am assuming that as time goes by she will be able to stay up during most of a full day, but there are no guarantees that will be so. I am certainly feeling better about how she is functioning now than I was two days ago.  There is a way to go yet to regain the pre-hospital norm, if that is to be the case.

One of Mary Ann’s friends from Junior High days is celebrating her 50th wedding anniversary today.  This was the 50th anniversary year of Mary Ann’s graduation from East Aurora High School  East High is, of course, an arch rival to West Aurora High from which I graduated a couple of years later.  We have been married almost 44 years — and they said it couldn’t work, a girl from East High and a boy from West High.

Cherri is thrilled with the celebration.  In these times, it is a remarkable thing to have longevity in a marriage. They have children and grandchildren that bring them great joy.  Cherri shared words of love and concern for Mary Ann, recognizing the contrast between her mobility and the options that mobility provides and Mary Ann’s plight.  She and Joy and Terry, along with Mary Ann made up a foursome to be reckoned with.  When they are together it is as if not a day has passed since they hung out together so many years ago.  They all care very much for Mary Ann and hate seeing that feisty lady they have known, trapped in a body that won’t cooperate and diminishing in mental acuity.  She has had such a wonderfully wicked sense of humor that could get you when you least expected it.

Along with the sadness at what has been lost, is something that is not so obvious, something that is important.  It is something that has not been lost, but found.  It is something that is there, available to all of us if only we will pay attention.  It is something that our situation makes more visible.  It sounds very trite to say it this way, but it is not at all trite.

Mary Ann and I live at the very core of life all day long every day.  There is deep and profound meaning in the simplest of tasks.  There is not a trivial moment in our days.  While there are great limitations on the options available to us for activities, there is no limit to the value of our time.  Our lives are filled with meaning.  Whether there is sleeping going on or time on the commode or eating or going in the car or sitting on the deck or watching the computer screen saver move through pictures of our Grandchildren, there is value attached to each moment.

Anyone who has lived long enough to have gone through painful times is likely to be aware of the meaning attached to the time we have.  Every moment we are in, contains all the time there is.  It is a moment of life, which my spirituality understands to be a moment intentionally given by the Someone who gives us life.

While the heart of Christianity often gets clouded by caricatures shaped by the loudest voices who seek to define what Christianity is, the truth is, it is a relationship created and sustained by a kind of love that is ultimately beyond human comprehension.  It is not a set of behaviors or a political position but a connection with One who produces good behavior to the degree we don’t ignore that connection.  The core is the relationship, not the behavior.

Back to Mary Ann’s day.  Edie spent the morning with her.  Apparently, Mary Ann got up and spent the morning engaging in conversation as well as watching and talking about the preparation of the meal.  We enjoyed a hearty meal, watched football for a while (of course, the Chiefs lost again), and then Mary Ann decided to lie down again.

Tonight is the time we usually attend a worship service.  At the moment, I am not very confident that will happen.  She has not yet dressed today.  I would be surprised if she would tolerate preparations to be out with people.  We will see.  It is still a couple of hours to Service time.  She is sleeping soundly at the moment.

As expected, she was not ready to try heading out in the car and attending the Service.  She was up for a while, ate a little, watched a little television and headed back to bed.

Tomorrow begins with the bath aide and includes an afternoon trip to the dentist.  It will be interesting to see if she has the stamina to do both.

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It is about 11:30am and Mary Ann is still sleeping.  She got up last evening long enough to eat some ice cream and apple crisp.  Then she took her pills, went back to bed and slept the entire night.  This morning, there was a commode trip at about 7am, then at about 8:30am she got up long enough to have juice (with Miralax) and yogurt.  Then she decided she wanted to go back to bed.

The good news about this is that when she has been up, she has been able to interact verbally and has not been picking up threads that are not there, nor has she acted as if she was hallucinating.  Her head is no longer hanging down on her chest.  Needless to say, those are encouraging signs. She is still unable able to eat without assistance.  I fed her last night and this morning, even putting her pills in her mouth.  She did manage to lift the cup and drink most of the juice by herself.

Yesterday, I chose not to awaken her for medications.  Most of her meds are intended to help her when she is up and about.  Most of them have a short half life.  They help when they are in her system, but are not necessarily maintaining a constant level of medicine 24/7.  Missing one dose of the meds seemed to me to be acceptable. I concluded that the rest was more important.  She did take her night time meds, so there has been no interruption in them.  She took the morning pills today, and while she was lying in bed, I changed the Exelon patch she had worn for two days.  That is a med that needs not to be stopped for long.  It is pretty powerful and when initiating the patch, it takes a month on a lower dose to keep from creating the unpleasant side effect of pretty bad nausea — been there, done that.  I am also going to wake her up for the meds that come every two hours during the day.  My goal is to return to and maintain a normal schedule in hopes that will help us return to the pre-hospital norm.

The other parallel recuperation activity needed includes intestinal activity.  There has been some activity, this morning during the 7am trip to the commode.  Then before going to back to bed after breakfast (the yogurt, juice and pills) there was a little more substantial activity.  At the risk of being indelicate (there is nothing delicate about being a Caregiver), it is still at the stage where manual help is needed.  With that lovely image in mind, you can appreciate my excitement when things come out on their own and Dr. Oz’s S appears.  We are not yet back to that wonderful normal.  At this point I am hopeful that in a couple of days we will be there.

Of course I cannot know where this will go, but my intention is to methodically do all the things we have normally done in the past as they are possible.  My hope is that by Tuesday, a week from leaving the hospital, normal will have returned.  Whatever is so by then will probably need to be established as our new norm.

My need to establish a norm of some sort, any sort, comes from the way I am wired.  When I get a set of expectations in mind, it is tough for me to incorporate changes very quickly.  Since retirement, the rewiring is in progress.  By removing almost all commitments, there is space and time to adapt to whatever changes come without the added stress of failing to meet those commitments.  When we went to the hospital, there were a few appointments (dentist, doctor, among them) to be changed, but nothing for which I had to find substitutes or burden others to do for me.

Even though things can change dramatically at any moment (as in Saturday’s entrance into the hospital), the norm is where my pivot foot rests when I turn to meet the unplanned, unexpected.  Unlike Michael Jordan in his best days, I cannot hang in the air for very long without a place to stand.

In a moment of devotional time last evening, I read this prayer.  I receive a weekly email from the National Catholic Reporter web site with a devotion by Fr. Ed Hayes.  (Yes, they allow Lutheran Pastors on their site.)  I have appreciated his writings for decades, and I had the privilege of doing a marriage ceremony with him many years ago.

I need prayers for flexibility!

A Psalm of Flexibility

By Ed Hays
Created Nov 06, 2009

O spirit of God’s eternal springtime heart,
grant me the virtue of elasticity.

Make my heart as boundless as my Beloved’s heart,
which at this moment is creating
new galaxies and infant suns.

Make me pliable and playful with your Spirit
as you teach me the alchemist’s recipe
of how to keep my heart’s skin
like baby’s skin, ever-expansive,
able to hold the wildest of wines.

Stir my mind well with your sacred spoon
to awaken the fermentation of ideas
stilled by the ten thousand little compromises
required of me by the stiffness
of the old leathered skins of society and religion.

Gift me with elastic frontiers of heart and mind,
so I can see before my eyes,
both in the heavens and on earth,
how old and ever-new are those partners
passionately dancing together
in the perpetual birthing of your universe.

From Prayers for a Planetary Pilgrim by Ed Hays

The Spiritual support I receive through Ed’s writings, through the Taize Music from their site, from Weavings, a spirituality journal, through Scripture, corporate worship and the Spiritual Formation Group that meets at our house weekly, helps provide the source strength that has allowed survival so far.

There are many wonderful folks who give personal support to our household.  Yesterday afternoon, John called and asked to come over for a time to talk.  John has been a support for very many years.  Mary, our friend who schedules Volunteers, had let him know that things were getting a little hard to handle at our house.  Yesterday, Edie, the leader of our Spiritual Formation group emailed about the possibility of bringing dinner over.  Don and Edie came over and we feasted on lasagna, salad, gourmet bread, some Shiraz red wine, topped off with apple crisp and vanilla ice cream.  Mary Ann slept through supper, but ate a big bowl of apple crisp and ice cream later in the evening.

It is now about 1:30pm and Mary Ann is still sleeping soundly.  She has had two rounds of the meds that come at two hour intervals during the day.  To administer the meds, I put my hand under the pillow, lift her head, put them in her mouth, hold a straw to her mouth and she drinks until the pill(s) are down.  Often, when I give her the pill(s), she gets up from napping.  The last few days when I let her head back down, she just goes back to sleep.  It has not been unusual in the past for her to continue to sleep, just not so many times in a row.

She finally got up and dressed around 2:30pm.  She ate a little more, then provided some unaided intestinal activity worthy celebration.  She went back to bed at about 5pm.  It is 9:30pm now.  She is still sleeping.  We will see how the night goes.

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I am at a computer in the business center at a LaQuinta motel in Shawnee, Oklahoma.  We put on CD’s of short stories.  They were a little strange, but kept our attention as we traveled.  It is a clear shot to Oklahoma City on an excellent Interstate with minimal traffic.  The Flint Hills remain a spectacular sight.  

The rest area at which we stopped had family bathrooms available.  What a Godsend!  My stress level plummets to nothing when I see that we have a family bathroom available rather than trying to find someone to guard the door to a busy women’s restroom while I help Mary Ann. 

It was wonderful to surprise good friend John by appearing at this door for the birthday open house on the occasion of his sixtieth.  I had sent the return comment card ahead in the mail since I wasn’t sure that this would all work out, and I wanted to mislead them into assuming that we would not be there for the open house.  Packing the car the night before actually worked.  We got off at a reasonable hour and made to his home within minutes of the start time of the open house. 

By the way, we were able to include a stop at the Braum’s Dairy Store in Blackwell, OK.   Mary Ann got two scoops of Butter Pecan — there is none better.   I had a two scoop Hot Fudge Sundae covered with salted pecans!  Just to make clear that we know the ice cream decorum — it was after twelve noon (by minutes).   All is well with the world!

It was a treat to see Peggy and reconnect after thirteen years.   I had the joy of being one of three pastors who officiated in their wedding.  After having such a clergy presence, they are assured of being stuck with one another for many years to come.  Somehow, I think they are okay with that!

A special treat was getting to see and talk with John’s Daughter, Hope.  Since I lived in their home for the first few months of my ministry in Bethany, Oklahoma (an inner suburb of OKC), I got to know Hope and Joel during their early years.  Hope was fiesty!  That, my friends, is an understatement.  She was always intriguing and someone to be reckoned with even as a child.  The energy and intelligence and drive were apparent from the outset.  She has turned into an engaging adult who is realizing all that potential — of which the pinnacle is about as cute and pleasant little twenty-one month old little boy as could be imagined.

There was one surprise for me.  After a time, Peggy came out with what was obviously a Christmas present, wrapped nicely, topped with a flat bow that was covered with dust, as in a well-aged bottle of vintage wine.  It turned out to be a Christmas present that they had gotten for me, wrapped and marked with my name in 1996!  By the time it was ready to be given, we had already moved away.  It just never found its way to me — until now.  It was a nicely framed wedding picture of John and Peggy, looking young and excited as they began a new life together.  The picture, of course included the three clergy who joined forces to set them on the right path.

While the folks who attended were from John and Peggy’s life after we moved away, one blast from the past was visiting with Barry, a fellow pastor — who is the consummate smart aleck.  What great fun to see him again and pick up with the bantering as if no time at all had passed.  Barry lost his wife only months ago after a long and very hard battle with diabetes.  This particular experession of the disease did its worst for almost as long as Mary Ann has been dealing with the Parkinson’s.  Pat lost her sight (for the most part) pretty early on.   Barry also has spent many years doing full time ministry and full time caregiving.  There is an instant connection among those who fully understand the dynamics of caregiving from the Caregiver’s perspective. 

After a stop at a Denny’s, eating too much food packed with unhealthy carbs, we have settled in at the motel.  Shawnee is about an hour closer to Hot Springs than John and Peggy’s home in Edmond.  We will not have to drive in any of the OKC city traffic tomorrow.  The balance of the trip should be pretty manageable — although I would not presume to predict how well tomorrow will go.  I am just grateful that we have made the first day without serious problems. 

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Remind me how much I loved weeds and bugs as a child.  I seem to remember writing something about that in an earlier post.  I just about had my fill of weeds and bugs on this trip to St. Francis of the Woods.

I have always loved the outdoors, but I have also always loved being comfortable.  Trudging through waste high, sometimes head high, weeds for a couple of hours, bugs surrounding me, checking me out at close range, stretched my idyllic view of the outdoors to the limit.

I remember walking the woods at my parents’ place in Northern Illinois, loving everything but the deer flies.  They kept me from idealizing the outdoors beyond reality.  Then there was the Poison Ivy.  The world of nature can be a hostile place.

This trip to St. Francis of the Woods was different from the last few times I have gone.  When possible, I usually go after the first frost and before the bugs have come out in the spring.  Cool and crisp air, dried weeds and clear skies have welcomed me the last few years.  This time it was warm, muggy and cloudy.

With that introduction, you might suspect that this trip was not a good experience.  It was.  First of all, while I am concerned for the environment and the well-being of all creatures, insects included, it seems to me that the person who invented the insect repellent Deet should be awarded the Medal of Honor.  I was not bitten by one mosquito, nor did I find one tick on my body, and while the bugs were everywhere, when they landed on me, they didn’t stay for long.

One benefit of coming at this time of the year was that there were flowers everywhere.  The sights were beautiful.  The flowers drew butterflies.  There were all sorts of butterflies of different sizes and colors.  Every once in a while one or two would land on me as I walked through the weeds.  There was one particular species that caught my eye.  It was probably a Fritillary, but I am way outside of my comfort zone in naming a butterfly other than a very few.  It was fairly large, and the brightest, almost, iridescent orange.  There might be as many as three flying around one another in a cluster.

There are now a couple of bee hives at the corner of one of the fields that I walk through.  I gave them a fairly wide berth.  Through the binoculars, I could see hundreds of bees flying in and out and all around the hives.  I am not particularly fearful of bees, but I didn’t want to have any unnecessary encounters by moving into their home territory.  I noticed as I walked through a nearby field, that the flowers were covered with bees.  St. Francis should have a great harvest of honey when the time comes.

The first evening’s trip through the woods provided no bird sightings at all.  The next day, there was more activity.  I was snorted at by some deer hiding in the woods as I walked by.  At one point a couple of does ran through the weeds in front of me from the woods on one side to the woods on the other.  There were a couple of groups of White Pelicans flying overhead, appearing to be headed the wrong direction for a fall migration.

It was hard to find a spot to put my three legged stool so that I could read a bit.  I didn’t want to be completely buried among the weeds.  I managed to find a spot with short enough weeds that I could sit, eat an apple and then read a very few pages.  The muggy, warm air and flying bugs around my sweaty brow made it uncomfortable enough to discourage me from staying long. I did catch sight of a flock of Common Nighthawks going by.  They are not often seen in the daytime except when passing through in the spring and fall.  Nighthawks are in a family of birds called Goatsuckers.  I just get a kick out of knowing that and saying the word “Goatsuckers.”  I need to check online some time to find out how that name was chosen for them.  I wonder if it had anything at all to do with goats?

I walked down to a newly discovered pond very close to the cottage I was staying in.  The pond was sort of ugly and messy looking, very small.  I saw a large turtle sunning itself when I came closer to the pond.  It slid into the water since I was too close for comfort.  I looked at the water through the binoculars to see if I could locate more turtles under the water.  Then I saw him.  I can’ t really know for sure how big he was, since he was just under the water at the edge of the pond nearest me.  The light refracting through the water can make something look bigger than it is.  It was a Snapping Turtle that appeared to be close to two feet long and a foot and a half wide.  He looked far too big to be living in such a small pond.  I watched him for a long time, and when he moved, I was glad he turned away and moved down farther into the pond.  I would not have been interested in him coming my way.

The most meaningful and valuable time on this retreat was the four and a half hours of catching up with a friend from the Oklahoma City area that I hadn’t seen in over thirteen years.  I have to say that John is as close a friend as I have ever had in my six and a half decades.  During the nine years in Oklahoma City, John and I spent many hours early in the morning at Ingrid’s German Deli talking about our faith and journey we were on living it out, John caring for Sherrie, dying of Cancer, and me dealing with the impact of Mary Ann’s Parkinson’s on our household.

When I went on ahead of the family to start serving the congregation in Bethany, Oklahoma, I lived for five months with John and Sherrie, and their children, Hope and Joel.  I cannot imagine more gracious hosts.  Their spirituality was a marvel to behold.  I have been around lots of folks who are committed to their faith, and sharing it with others.  John and Sherrie did it with such genuineness and humility that those around them never were made to feel inferior.

I had the privilege of ministering to and being ministered to by Sherrie as the Cancer entered her life and became the means through which she touched the lives of so many on her way to her death — and life with the Lord on the other side of death.  I had the additional privilege of conducting her funeral, attended by so many that the Sanctuary couldn’t hold them.

If that was not enough, I had the joy of performing the marriage of John and Peggy, as each was led to the other at precisely the right time to begin building a new life together.  It was refreshing to hear how their spirituality has grown and how their life together has unfolded in the years between then and now.

Not only did the retreat provide the refreshment that comes from engaging the natural world at close range, being fed by a meaningful friendship, but I probably accumulated almost twenty-four hours of uninterrupted sleep in those two nights.  This morning there was a gentle rain with soft rumbles of thunder on occasion in the background, providing the perfect setting for lying in bed, sort of semi-conscious, just savoring the moment.

All went well with Mary Ann while I was gone.  Daughter Lisa had some good quality time with her Mom, and Son Micah, Becky and Chloe were able to come over so that we could eat Pizza together tonight.

The time away provided the opportunity to think through how things are going for Mary Ann and me.  As always, there has come a renewed resolve to be more effective as a Caregiver.  Whether that resolve will result in any changes in what I do and how I do it remains to be seen.

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.

Mary Ann is in bed.  Tonight’s was a much later bedtime than usual.  We had a very enjoyable evening with new friends, Jim and Sally.  Since Jim and I are in the same profession, even though they are much younger than we are, we have lots in common.  One especially meaningful dimension to the evening was that Sally brought out Mary Ann by engaging her very directly in conversation.  Mary Ann was more thoughtful and responsive than I have observed in a very long time.  In the course of responding, she said that she expected to die soon.  She revealed her faith to be secure. She spoke in a way that suggested that she was not fearful and distressed, but accepting of her circumstances.  (I am inferring much of that from the limited responses and their tone.)  The evening was meaningful as well as enjoyable.  There was ice cream, guaranteeing a good evening.

The night of the day we visited the Neurologist (see last post) turned out to be a difficult one.  We had increased slightly the medication that seeks to diminish the hallucinations, but it certainly had no effect on then yet that night.  The hallucinations were as strong as ever.

Even though that next day we had a number of Volunteers, it was a tough day, as it always is after a sleepless night  Both of us get pretty grumpy.  Mary Ann got up very early again, even though she had not settled down until after 2am.  Since there was a Volunteer for that time, I was still able to get to the Spiritual Formation Group that meets at our house.

Later in the day, a friend and I had coffee and spent a couple of hours talking.  He had been a confidant and care partner during the last half of my ministry at the parish from which I retired.  It was probably good that we had as much time as we did away from each other, since we were both so tired.

We both slept very well last night.  As a result the day today was better.  The fainting and the hallucinations continue, but they still allow us a certain quality of life that allows us not to feel deprived or resentful or bitter.

The day is catching up with me.  I had best head for bed and hope for sleep.

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.