Therapeutic Activities

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November 16, 2009

Imagined Possibilities – A Moment of Sadness

Posted by PeterT under Daily Challenges, Meaningful Caregiving, Practical Tools for Coping, Therapeutic Activities, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
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Today was a good day in most respects.  Mary Ann got up, ate, took pills and got dressed in anticipation of Volunteer Jan’s arrival.  Jan did her hair and nails, a real treat.  Mary Ann had eaten a good breakfast with some help.  Around noon she ate a half sandwich, chips, Pepsi, and large and tasty chocolate chip cookie that Jan had brought.

Mary Ann was up all day, watching football — her choice.  The Chief’s won!!! She was awake and mobile enough for us to go to the Evening Service at 6pm.  She ate a little supper before church and headed to bed shortly after church.

This was pretty much a normal day even by pre-hospital standards.  So far it appears that our new normal will include a little less mobility.  Eating by herself was a challenge before the hospital stay.  She now needs help much more often than before.  Walking unaided seems to be less of an option now.  It seems as if in most other areas, we are back to pre-hospital stay levels.  That is pretty encouraging.  I won’t deny that the last couple of weeks have been scary and stressful, with lots of fears about the possibility of not regaining any of what had been lost.

Maybe it was the barometer change today, but my time away this morning was not so refreshing as usual.  The rain did not allow the long walk that releases the mood-lifting endorphins.  I sat in the car enjoying the peacefulness of the rain at the lake, listening to a CD.  The Taizé Music seemed to open a certain vulnerability to thoughts and feelings that usually don’t have the time or space for attention with the moment by moment demands of the caregiving.

I am embarrassed at the self-centeredness of the thinking, but I have never pretended to be perfect — far from it.  I began thinking of who I am as an individual, separate from my role.  I thought of all sorts of things I have not yet experienced in life, things that most likely will never come to be.  I am not absolutely sure that I would really do some of them even if I had the chance.  That is why I titled this post “imagined Possibilities.”

Imagined Possibilities:

  • Singing with an Early Music vocal ensemble.
  • Spending a week of study and reflection at Holden Village.
  • Hiking a section of the Appalachian Trail.
  • Birding in New Zealand, hiking to see some of the waterfalls.
  • Seeing the Snowy Mountain region of Australia, visiting each part of that huge country.
  • Visiting Cornwall England and searching out my Father’s ancestral home there.
  • Visiting County Cork Ireland, from which my Paternal Grandmother came.
  • Heading off to Poland and Germany to see where my Mother was born (a German settlement in what is now Poland).
  • Spending time at the Taizé Community in France and singing the music, having a chance to serve as a Cantor.
  • Seeing some of the National Parks with my own eyes.
  • Going on Spiritual Formation retreats at various places in the US.
  • Probing with great minds the intersection of theology and Quantum Physics (at least listening and questioning).
  • Attending organ recitals and hearing great choirs and orchestras.

What is so selfish about all this, is that Mary Ann has lost the freedom to do so much more than have I.  This morning just opened a bit of sadness about what I might have imagined for myself.  I don’t know all the things that Mary Ann would like to have done.  Once I was asked where I would like to go if I could, and when I mentioned Australia, Mary Ann said she would like to do that too.  We have both talked about never having seen even the Grand Canyon.  We talked about going across Canada on a train, traveling to see the fall colors in New England.  We got to visit England and Northern Europe forty three years ago, and had talked about wanting to go back, especially to England.

I know intellectually, and most often viscerally, that life is lived wherever each of us is.  There is no need to be in some special, exotic place to live life to the full.  The grass certainly is not greener on the other side of the fence, as they say.  It was just a moment of imagined possibilities and some sadness at what will not be.  No matter what any of our circumstances are, all of us have things that are beyond our reach, things we cannot have or experience.  We can either face the loss of those imagined possibilities, grieve their loss and get on with life, or spend our precious moments stuck in self-pity.

I have the privilege of caring for someone I love.  There are so very many who would give anything to have that privilege.  I guess part of living this life to the full is allowing a moment of sadness into it.

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.

 

November 12, 2009

Visit to Former Life

Posted by PeterT under Daily Challenges, Meaningful Caregiving, Practical Tools for Coping, Sources of Strength, Therapeutic Activities | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
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No, I do not subscribe to people having former lifetimes in other times in history.  Last evening I spent some time back in a part of my life that seems a distant memory even though it ended only sixteen months ago.  It is as if my forty years of ministry exists in a former lifetime.  There were feeling swirling around throughout the evening.

The fire happened three years ago.  I got a distressing phone call from the Rector of the Episcopal church, St. David’s, across the intersection from the church of which at that time I was the Senior Pastor.  I called Mary, who was willing and able to come over and stay with Mary Ann freeing me to rush over to check out our church and give Fr. Don some moral support.

It was arson.  The damage was extensive.  It was painful to see such an important place in the hearts and minds of so many people rendered uninhabitable in a few hours.  The vision of an elegant organ console charred and pipes melted, in a heap on the floor beneath the balcony is almost unbearable to those who have sung to that organ, whose spirits have been lifted by it for numbers of years.  I did not go in and see it.  I am remembering from the comments of some who did.

I had the privilege of being able on behalf of our congregation to offer support, a place to hold the first worship on the Sunday following the fire.  I will never forget that worship Service early in the afternoon, after our three morning services were concluded.  The church was packed with the members and friends of St. David’s Congregation.  There was a bond created that day that has since brought continuing joy to both our faith communities. The pattern of worship and the visual style of the worship rooms of the Lutheran and Episcopal traditions are virtually identical.  They felt at home in the worship space and we felt at home with the liturgy they used.

Last evening was three years later to the day in a journey that began in ashes and ended in celebration of an elegant and functional space for a faith community to live out their call to service.

When I arrived, the Nave was full.  There was space in a multipurpose room outfitted to allow us to participate fully in the service, though in a place far from the central worship space.  The feellings swirled.  There were some feelings at first, ones of which I am not proud, feelings that I was now relegated to a place far on the periphery of what had shared with my family a central place in my life.  I am grateful that my feelings moved away from feeling a loss of worth and value, to recognizing what the evening was about.  A community of people had taked a powerful hit and come out stronger that ever.  I got to touch their lives for a moment three years ago.  The night was about them and what had been and would be accomplished through them by the One we both serve.

Later in the evening there were some words of thanks that touched me deeply as Fr. Don acknowledged by name those people and faith communities who had supported them after the fire.

The contrast between the world in which I live now and the world in which I lived sixteen months ago is stark.  It was moving to be back in a liturgical setting with a large number of worshipers gathered, listening to and singing with a pipe organ, instrumentalists and choir producing powerful sounds, singing loudly in the midst of the congregation.  The moment was a poignant one for me as the forty years of ministry with its hopes and intentions and dreams broke into my awareness.  Current circumstances in my life and the needs of the congregation from which I retired have converged to provide a clear separation from my former life in the ministry.

What settled in my mind and heart last night is that my goal has been to impact those I served in a positive way as our lives intersected for a time. Whether or not it is remembered is quite secondary.  My hope is that my ministry had a positive effect on most of those I served in the three parishes and the high school these last four decades.

Now my goal is to make a difference for good in the life of someone I love deeply, even though I don’t always show that love as clearly as I should.  So that I could attend St. David’s new building dedication last night I arranged for a person from Home Instead an agency that provides people trained to do Companion Care.  It will cost between $60 and $70 for that care for Mary Ann, but I felt I needed to be there for my own sake and to provide a formal presence for my former parish. Needless to say, it is not feasible to use agency care very often.  I am grateful to have an income at all in this economy, but a fixed income does demand care in how and when that income is used.

Mary Ann has been up for most of the day today.  Last night did not start out too well, but after a while, she settled and slept soundly.  She has had a reasonably good day.  She ate with only occasional help needed.  She napped in the morning for a couple of hours, but has been awake and sitting up most of the day.  There were two Volunteers here at different times.

She went to bed around 7pm (less than an hour from this writing), and she is awake now watching her beloved NCIS repeat episodes.  It would be a wonderful experience to have a sleep-filled night tonight.  Time will reveal whether or not that comes to be.

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.

 

November 11, 2009

Wake up! Go to Sleep! Please!

Posted by PeterT under Daily Challenges, Meaningful Caregiving, Practical Tools for Coping, Relationship Issues, Therapeutic Activities, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
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It was a night from Hell.  We have plenty of them.  I went to be early in hopes that my presence would help her sleep.  Not so.  She wanted to go home more than once.  Often she would get up and when I asked, admit that she didn’t know why she had gotten up.  Once she woke up and said she had swallowed a snake.  I have no idea from where that thought came.

It went on through the night.  Once there were only seven minutes between times of getting up with some need.  The next one was twelve minutes.  Then came a couple about twenty minutes apart.  I am just tired enough that I went back to sleep during each of those short times, only to be wakened again.  I am not sure what words to say to communicate the level of frustration with that behavior.

One of the times she got up, she agreed to go to the table and eat some applesauce.  We started toward the dining room, and soon it was apparent that she just couldn’t walk well enough to make it there.  I asked her not to move, while I ran a few feet to get the transfer chair.  Of course she fell.  My level of frustration was enough that while I was complaining about her not staying still, instead of patiently working out how to get her off the floor in a way that was safe for me and her, I just picked her up off the floor and seated her in the chair.  Yes, she is only a little over 120 pounds.  No, a small 66 year old man with a family history of back issues should not try to pick up someone from the floor, someone who is not able to help in the process, essentially dead weight.

While it hurts, at the moment (six or seven hours later), it is not excruciating.  I am hoping only minor damage was done and that Advil, ice and a call to Chiropractor Tim will eventually take care of it.

Last night, all I wanted was for her to go to sleep!  She got up early again.  I just insisted that she stay in bed so that I could get another hour of sleep.  Gratefully, she did stay in bed for a while.

When she got up, things were pretty difficult.  I, of course, was not in a very pleasant frame of mind having been up and down every few minutes during most of the night.  She was able to get some of her food eaten by herself.  After breakfast she sat by the television in her PJ’s.  She was in popping up mode.  While at the moment, she is not fainting, her weakness and balance are making her vulnerable to falls.  I got a phone call.  Just as I got into the conversation, she hopped up and headed across the room.  I was frustrated by the timing of it, but after determining it was a bathroom need that precipitated it, I got off the phone and got her into the bathroom and seated.

I have not mentioned this much in the last three days, but there has been intestinal activity verging on diarrhea.  Sunday morning when I was gone, she had some major activity.  That activity required a later cleanup that involved removing the toilet seat, taking it to the large basin I had installed in the basement storage area for things like this, soaking the toilet seat in water with lots of Clorox Bleach, scrubbing the hinges with a toothbrush, rinsing, drying, disinfecting the stool itself and replacing the toilet seat.  This is all taught in Caregiver school.

The good news is that the activity does not come often.  It is just takes some extra effort to keep her and whatever else clean.  We have dealt with much worse in this area.  This morning’s trip to the bathroom was not an easy one.

When she returned to the living room, the popping up continued.  She was almost always getting up to look around at the floor.  I don’t know exactly what she was seeing, but it was some sort of mess that needed cleaning up.  Just going into the kitchen to get a bowl of cereal had to be done in short segments of time, often less than a minute in length so that I could check on her and get her seated again.

I had not yet gotten my morning shower.  I could not trust her to stay seated for the ten to fifteen minutes it takes for me to get ready.  She often agrees that she will stay seated, but pretty much does not do so.  I finally realized that the only way I was going to get ready myself, would be for her to be napping.

There is such an conflict of wants and needs that converge on this simple process.  I want her to stay awake during the day and sleep at night.  I want her to be sleeping even during the day so that I am not dealing with the popping up, the constant needs, the hallucinations, not knowing what will come next.  I should keep her up in the daytime, but when she moves into her need-for-sleep mode, she ends up hanging her head and sleeping in her chair, if not in her bed. There is a sense of relief when she is sleeping during the daytime hours, but a dread for the horribly frustrating nights that come when she can’t sleep then.

I suppose I could sleep during the day while she is sleeping.  I don’t want to shift days and nights for both of us.  I want to be tired enough at bed time that I can go to bed and sleep, if she will allow it.  When she is asleep, I have the freedom to do things that nurture my own well-being both for my own sake and so that I don’t lose the capacity to care for her.  These posts have been long and detailed lately because she is sleeping enough during the day that I am free to write.  These posts have been long and detailed these last days since we are almost entirely homebound now and the task is frustrating enough that I need the outlet of writing these posts as therapy.

Then there is the question, how is Mary Ann dealing with this new place in our experience.  She is stuck with the frustration of not having the mobility and mental acuity she has had, and she is stuck with Grumpy Caregiver who gets frustrated with things she cannot control.  She vacillates between days when she is exhausted and just wants to sleep, and nights when she can’t sleep, wants to be up while the person on whom she depends is scolding her and insisting she stay in bed.  She needs food but often not what is in front of her.  She hates the feeling of needing to be fed but often needs to be fed.  She wants to do things for herself but is constantly being asked to sit down, being reminded that she can’t do them.

I wish I were better at this caregiving task.  On the positive side, I think that most of the time I act in ways that are caring and helpful and affirming of who she is.  I try to treat her with respect, recognizing that my words are not always respectful when I am frustrated with some difficult behavior that seems still to be under her control (probably most often a result of the disease more than her willfulness).  I work hard at keeping her neat, hair washed, dressed appropriately, the house in order, beds made, kitchen in order.  I work very hard at determining what she needs or wants and if it is possible, trying to provide whatever it is.  With that said, in fairness, my assessment is based on who I want to be, not necessarily who I am in her eyes.  In the area of this sort of self-awareness, my propensity to feel guilty when I have been unkind provides some internal metrics.  My self-centeredness drives me to do things that allow me to feel good about myself.  My batting average in that task is probably just that, painfully average.

Back to our day: When med time came after she had been sleeping for a couple of hours, I decided not to make yesterday’s mistake.  After I took her to the bathroom, she stayed up for us to head to Glory Day’s Pizza to bring a couple of slices home for her (lunch and supper).  Her mobility was very poor, and she still would not open her eyes, so the trip out to the car and back afterward was pretty difficult.

She insisted on eating the slice of pizza without help.  She only managed to eat the topping (cheese only) from a little more than half of the one piece.  Then she was done.  After refusing once, she finally agreed to a dish of ice cream.  She is about five pounds lighter on our scale than she was the last time she weighed herself before the trip and the hospital.  She has been eating so little it is no wonder.  When I took her to the bathroom after the pizza, as I was getting her clothes down so that she could sit on the stool, she stopped me, asking what I was doing.  She thought we were still in the dining room.

At about 4:45pm, she wanted to get her bed clothes on and get into bed. She got up again when a paid worker from Home Instead to stay for a few hours while I honored a commitment that was important to me.   She was still up when I returned and went to bed at about 9:30pm.  Let’s hope for some sleep tonight.

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.

 

November 8, 2009

Fourth Day Home From The Hospital

Posted by PeterT under Daily Challenges, Help from Others, Meaningful Caregiving, Practical Tools for Coping, Relationship Issues, Sources of Strength, Therapeutic Activities, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
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It is about 11:30am and Mary Ann is still sleeping.  She got up last evening long enough to eat some ice cream and apple crisp.  Then she took her pills, went back to bed and slept the entire night.  This morning, there was a commode trip at about 7am, then at about 8:30am she got up long enough to have juice (with Miralax) and yogurt.  Then she decided she wanted to go back to bed.

The good news about this is that when she has been up, she has been able to interact verbally and has not been picking up threads that are not there, nor has she acted as if she was hallucinating.  Her head is no longer hanging down on her chest.  Needless to say, those are encouraging signs. She is still unable able to eat without assistance.  I fed her last night and this morning, even putting her pills in her mouth.  She did manage to lift the cup and drink most of the juice by herself.

Yesterday, I chose not to awaken her for medications.  Most of her meds are intended to help her when she is up and about.  Most of them have a short half life.  They help when they are in her system, but are not necessarily maintaining a constant level of medicine 24/7.  Missing one dose of the meds seemed to me to be acceptable. I concluded that the rest was more important.  She did take her night time meds, so there has been no interruption in them.  She took the morning pills today, and while she was lying in bed, I changed the Exelon patch she had worn for two days.  That is a med that needs not to be stopped for long.  It is pretty powerful and when initiating the patch, it takes a month on a lower dose to keep from creating the unpleasant side effect of pretty bad nausea — been there, done that.  I am also going to wake her up for the meds that come every two hours during the day.  My goal is to return to and maintain a normal schedule in hopes that will help us return to the pre-hospital norm.

The other parallel recuperation activity needed includes intestinal activity.  There has been some activity, this morning during the 7am trip to the commode.  Then before going to back to bed after breakfast (the yogurt, juice and pills) there was a little more substantial activity.  At the risk of being indelicate (there is nothing delicate about being a Caregiver), it is still at the stage where manual help is needed.  With that lovely image in mind, you can appreciate my excitement when things come out on their own and Dr. Oz’s S appears.  We are not yet back to that wonderful normal.  At this point I am hopeful that in a couple of days we will be there.

Of course I cannot know where this will go, but my intention is to methodically do all the things we have normally done in the past as they are possible.  My hope is that by Tuesday, a week from leaving the hospital, normal will have returned.  Whatever is so by then will probably need to be established as our new norm.

My need to establish a norm of some sort, any sort, comes from the way I am wired.  When I get a set of expectations in mind, it is tough for me to incorporate changes very quickly.  Since retirement, the rewiring is in progress.  By removing almost all commitments, there is space and time to adapt to whatever changes come without the added stress of failing to meet those commitments.  When we went to the hospital, there were a few appointments (dentist, doctor, among them) to be changed, but nothing for which I had to find substitutes or burden others to do for me.

Even though things can change dramatically at any moment (as in Saturday’s entrance into the hospital), the norm is where my pivot foot rests when I turn to meet the unplanned, unexpected.  Unlike Michael Jordan in his best days, I cannot hang in the air for very long without a place to stand.

In a moment of devotional time last evening, I read this prayer.  I receive a weekly email from the National Catholic Reporter web site with a devotion by Fr. Ed Hayes.  (Yes, they allow Lutheran Pastors on their site.)  I have appreciated his writings for decades, and I had the privilege of doing a marriage ceremony with him many years ago.

I need prayers for flexibility!

A Psalm of Flexibility

By Ed Hays
Created Nov 06, 2009

O spirit of God’s eternal springtime heart,
grant me the virtue of elasticity.

Make my heart as boundless as my Beloved’s heart,
which at this moment is creating
new galaxies and infant suns.

Make me pliable and playful with your Spirit
as you teach me the alchemist’s recipe
of how to keep my heart’s skin
like baby’s skin, ever-expansive,
able to hold the wildest of wines.

Stir my mind well with your sacred spoon
to awaken the fermentation of ideas
stilled by the ten thousand little compromises
required of me by the stiffness
of the old leathered skins of society and religion.

Gift me with elastic frontiers of heart and mind,
so I can see before my eyes,
both in the heavens and on earth,
how old and ever-new are those partners
passionately dancing together
in the perpetual birthing of your universe.

From Prayers for a Planetary Pilgrim by Ed Hays

The Spiritual support I receive through Ed’s writings, through the Taize Music from their site, from Weavings, a spirituality journal, through Scripture, corporate worship and the Spiritual Formation Group that meets at our house weekly, helps provide the source strength that has allowed survival so far.

There are many wonderful folks who give personal support to our household.  Yesterday afternoon, John called and asked to come over for a time to talk.  John has been a support for very many years.  Mary, our friend who schedules Volunteers, had let him know that things were getting a little hard to handle at our house.  Yesterday, Edie, the leader of our Spiritual Formation group emailed about the possibility of bringing dinner over.  Don and Edie came over and we feasted on lasagna, salad, gourmet bread, some Shiraz red wine, topped off with apple crisp and vanilla ice cream.  Mary Ann slept through supper, but ate a big bowl of apple crisp and ice cream later in the evening.

It is now about 1:30pm and Mary Ann is still sleeping soundly.  She has had two rounds of the meds that come at two hour intervals during the day.  To administer the meds, I put my hand under the pillow, lift her head, put them in her mouth, hold a straw to her mouth and she drinks until the pill(s) are down.  Often, when I give her the pill(s), she gets up from napping.  The last few days when I let her head back down, she just goes back to sleep.  It has not been unusual in the past for her to continue to sleep, just not so many times in a row.

She finally got up and dressed around 2:30pm.  She ate a little more, then provided some unaided intestinal activity worthy celebration.  She went back to bed at about 5pm.  It is 9:30pm now.  She is still sleeping.  We will see how the night goes.

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.

 

October 29, 2009

Fourth Day: Still Doing Well in Hot Springs

Posted by PeterT under Daily Challenges, Meaningful Caregiving, Practical Tools for Coping, Therapeutic Activities | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
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Finally!  Chocolate Wednesday!!

Yes, it began with a breakfast sundae.  It was not quite as decadent as it sounds.  The first layer was yogurt with home made granola mixed in.  Then came the strawberries, whipped cream and chocolate drizzled over the top.

Next came the plate with herb roasted potatoes, sausage patties and a breakfast strudel, which is a pastry shell filled with an egg and veggie center.  Who would have imagined such a thing?  It was wonderful!

The highlight was the Innkeeper’s 4pm table of treats.  The wines are always well chosen, red and white each day.  There were Halloween cookies, crackers and three kinds of cheese —  then, of course, the chocolate covered strawberries.  The chocolate was unusually rich and tasty.  The Godiva Chocolate Liquor with a touch of caramel was too wonderful.  It is good that liquor glasses are tiny.

The timing was perfect, since we had enjoyed a light midday meal a couple of hours earlier from the new in-house menu.  A chicken salad sandwich on a toasted croissant for Mary Ann, and bowl of tomato basil soup and a salad of field greens with a balsamic vinaigrette dressing for me.  It was served to us in the dining room where we could look out the windows and the gardens and the lake as we had a quiet meal.  The food here has yet to disappoint.

As we looked out the window, Mary Ann called my attention to the surface of the lake.  I have heard and used the word shimmering many times.  I now understand more fully what it means.  I guess it was the angle of the sun that combined with just the right movement of the water that produced almost blindingly bright sparkles on the water — as in diamonds, real ones.

Today was a spectacularly beautiful, warm and sunny day.  We sat for a while this afternoon on the patio by the fountain.  Mary Ann began reading a book she picked up at a Walgreen’s yesterday afternoon.  I read a bit from the Spirituality journal called Weavings.  Most of the time I just sat and soaked in the setting.

I had just a moment’s realization of the significance of our having this time sitting together.  There was a flash to a time that may come when sitting next to her will no longer be an option, when I may be sitting alone.  It was not a deep and sad feeling as much as it was an appreciation of what we are now able to enjoy.

As she read, I took some time to walk through the garden on the stone path that wound through the blooming Azaleas, going across stone bridges over the stream created by the fountain and waterfalls.  Some wonderfully colorful butterflies moved from blossom to blossom, a Monarch, a black Swallowtail of some sort, a yellow Sulfur butterfly.  There were lots of bees wandering in and out of the blossoms.  When I walked along the lake, there was a turtle  hovering at the wall.  It was just a very pleasant afternoon.

We have enjoyed meeting lots of folks.  One couple mentioned that their daughter’s wedding was just two weeks earlier.  She was married in South Carolina.  I asked where in South Car0lina she had been married.  They said something about Cliffs and Glassy, and we filled in the blanks.  Their daughter was married in the same beautiful little chapel in the mountains north of Greenville, South Carolina, in which our Daughter, Lisa, was married.

It has pretty much never failed that asking other residents at the B&B where they are from has initiated a conversation that produced some connection or commonality.  There are people here from a variety of places, some still working and attending conferences here in town, some retired.

If there was no other common ground, often the mention of being a retired pastor began the path leading to the discovery of something in common, or something of mutual interest.  Two are active pastors, another is the daughter of a pastor, another has a brother who is a Franciscan priest (just switched to Diocesan for the sake of getting a pension), one plays guitar at his large Cowboy Church in South Texas.  One shared a tragic story of the death of her Son-in-Law when her daughter was pregnant with their first child.  It is a reminder of the depth and breadth of the experiences that lie behind the faces of those we encounter.   It is good to be in a setting in which we are all moving slowly enough that we can take time to make some discoveries that allow us into each other’s lives if only for a moment.

Mary Ann is down for the night (I hope).  We will eat breakfast in the morning here, load the van and head for Eureka Springs to stay the night so that we won’t have too long a trip back.  There are storms predicted for the day both here and in Eureka Springs.  We will take our time and stop whenever we need to.

Again, we are grateful for some good days.  We can put them in the bank.  Tomorrow will bring whatever it will.

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.

 

October 28, 2009

Third Day: Still Doing Well – in Hot Springs

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Hooray, the we saw light from the shining ball of fire in the sky late this afternoon.  We did not see the ball, but discernible evidence of its presence.

This evening after dark, I sat on the patio again by the waterfall/fountain/pond, looking at the bright moon and nearby planet.  Am I a wildlife magnet???  Maybe five feet away from me, a small possum just wandered by from the shrubs on one side of the water feature, across the cement patio at its edge, and headed on through the shrubs on the other side of the water feature, showing himself at various times as he lumbered along.  I guess the sound of the waterfall distracted him and it was dark enough that he just didn’ t notice me.

We had a good day.  It started out with the Lookout Blend of a really nice, medium roast coffee (clearly a certain percent of dark roast beans in the blend).  Next came the juice, again a blend — equal parts cranberry and orange juice.

That was followed by roasted plums with creme fraiche.  What a wonderfully sweet treat it was.  There were ribbons of caramel that cradled the plums before the creme fraiche was poured over them.  Both of us left those dishes ready for the next use — no washing needed since there was nothing left in them.  We refrained from putting the dishes to our mouths and licking them clean.  We didn’t want to give Kansas a bad name.

Following that came the plate with a large slice of warm veggie frittata with a very tasty salsa with which to add still more flavor.  There were sections of polish sausage sitting on the plate next to the frittata.  They were complemented by freshly baked hot biscuits with butter and three kinds of locally made jam to be slathered on.

It is just plain cruel to describe in such detail the lavish breakfast we had today, but then I never claimed to be perfect.  This is actually just an attempt at helping each of you understand the commandment about coveting so that you can do a better job of avoiding it.  Aren’t you grateful?

After relaxing for a time here, checking out together the library and reading room and sitting area in the large sun room, spending some time on the patio in spite of the chill of the cloudy day, we headed into Hot Springs.

As we neared the main part of town, it had been long enough since breakfast that we thought we might eat a little something.  Mary Ann remembered from our last trip a little European style deli that we had visited.  I had a vague memory of where it was, but she remembered the exact name of it, Cafe 1217 (its street address is 1217).  With a little help from our GPS unit (Helga) we found it.

There are glass cases there with the various food items in view.  There is a dessert case, a veggie section, salad section and entree section.  The ordering is done at the counter.  Names are called and patrons come to the counter to get a heavy ceramic plate with the food items on it.

We ordered one piece of Honey BBQ Salmon which we split.  We each picked a side to accompany it.  Mary Ann picked the Caramelized Apricot Sweet Potatoes, and I picked the Grilled Ratatouille Vegetable Salad.  The cases were filled with foods that were out of the ordinary.  Apparently, the menu changes each month.  There were autographed pictures of a number of famous folks who had eaten there.

Then we spent almost an hour in one of the better art galleries in the area.  Hot Springs is one of the top five communities in the nation known for the fine arts.  In describing all the various events, the owner talked about the film festival, drawing thousands.  Then he described the music festival, that brought people from all over the world.  A woodwind ensemble practiced in the gallery.  The acoustics are alive in that old building with a ceiling two stories high, hard surfaces everywhere throwing the sound back on itself.  Hearing him describe the experience stirred memories of singing in old cathedrals in Europe over forty years ago on a choir tour.

The art work was moderately priced for good art.  The prices for the same pieces would have been much higher in other places in the country, but they were still in the thousands of dollars.

One artist, Randall Good, has a close connection with the Blue Moon Gallery in Hot Springs.  His work is powerful.  He was commissioned about eight years ago to do fourteen large paintings of the Stations of the Cross.  The result of the years of work was impressive.  The folks at the gallery explained the process by which he made the medium on which the paintings would be done, with the medium becoming a part of the final piece.

After hearing descriptions of the process that has brought each piece to completion and his creative journey as it is unfolding, it is apparent just how complex a painting can be.  In years past, when I looked at art pieces, I saw them as pictures to be observed.  Hearing so much about the living dynamics of each piece gives me new eyes with which to see.

It has helped my ability to experience more when I view an art piece to have had a gifted friend named Milt Heinrich, who has served for many years as the head of the Art Department at Dana College in Blair, Nebraska.  He also served for many years as part of the Arts Council [may not be the correct designation] for the state of Nebraska.  He was commissioned to do the huge wall sculpture at one end of the Omaha Airport.

Access to Randall Good’s web site can be found by Googling the Blue Moon Art Gallery in Hot Springs, Arkansas.  There can be found is a link to his site.

It is so odd that I have come to enjoy the visual arts.  I know virtually nothing about great art.  I am one of five children.  Three of us are gifted in the ability to draw beautifully.  Two of us are Pastors.  Oh well — same gene pool.  I guess Dick and I just stayed in the shallow end.

After the art galleries (we visited a second one for a time), we headed back to the B&B.  There we were, of course, greeted by freshly baked coffee cake and cookies, red wine, white wine, cheese and crackers — the Innkeepers daily 4pm offering.

Mary Ann is settled in bed, hopefully sleeping soundly.  While we don’t have specific plans for tomorrow, it is Chocolate Wednesday!  Wait till I tell you about the breakfast sundaes!

That is for tomorrow.

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.

 

October 27, 2009

Second Travel Day — Not too bad

Posted by PeterT under Daily Challenges, Meaningful Caregiving, Practical Tools for Coping, Therapeutic Activities | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
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I am at the computer in the upper lobby of Lookout Point – Lakeside Inn in Hot Springs, Arkansas.  We made it!  As always the last hour or two includes lots of winding two lane roads, but we are here and settled in.  Mary Ann is sleeping soundly.  At least she was when I left the room.  The television show “The Closer,” which is pretty much her favorite at the moment, is on the television, so if she does wake, she should be content.

While we ended up here past the time of the afternoon wine, cheese and freshly baked sweets, it was still out.  We both enjoyed a glass of wine, some cheese and a homemade Macadamia nut cookie.

After bringing in all our clothes and paraphernalia, getting Mary Ann changed for bed and settled in bed, I headed out to forage for some snacks.  There are endless goodies available in an area off the downstairs lobby.  I wandered through the library and glanced at some of the books.  There is a great section on Spiritual Formation.  Mary Ann and I will check out the videos together some time tomorrow.

After a trip through the small reading room which is an area with comfortable chairs and a fireplace, I looked around the large sitting area that includes lots of games as well as space to just sit and look out of the windows at the bird feeders, the garden and the lake.

Then I headed out to the patio to sit under the overhang to avoid the rain, while listening to the fountain/waterfall and look at the lake framed by the lights on the other side.  Numbers of Canada geese squawked loudly periodically as I sat soaking it all in.

The trip from the motel in Shawnee, Oklahoma went reasonably well.  The first two and a half hours was on Interstate 40.  In spite of construction at various times, the traffic was light and we made great time.  The weather was overcast but dry for most of that first half of the trip.

From Fort Smith to Hot Springs is a little more challenging and at the same time more interesting.  It was raining lightly throughout the rest of the trip.  There was never enough rain coming down to create any problems in driving.  What the weather did provide were some spectacular views of clouds covering the tops of some of the taller Ozark hills and spilling down the sides among the trees.

There were times when we looked at thick white clouds just about even with us in elevation.  Some were close to the road as we passed.  The cloudy weather muted the fall colors, but sometimes the colors were visible, contrasting with the white of the brightest clouds.

The trees close to the road as we traveled were very colorful.  What was most striking to me what the contrast between the colors of the deciduous trees and the deep green of the conifers.  The green was darker and more vibrant because of the contrast with the palette of colors interspersed between them by the changing leaves of so many different species of deciduous trees.

One treat that will be appreciated by those of you who are Caregivers.  At one point, we stopped for a break after a long time driving.  I can’t really remember the last time we stopped at a Pilot Truck stop, but that is what seemed most promising when we needed to stop.  The treat was that as we were checking the restroom situation, a staff person happened to be nearby.  He asked if he could help us find anything.  I explained what we were doing.  He responded by offering to get a key to one of the showers for us to use.

What a Godsend!  The little shower room had a toilet stool in it and just enough room to maneuver the transfer chair and get Mary Ann’s needs met.  I will now keep the Pilot Truck stops at the top of the list of places to take a break.  There was also a Wendy’s attached to the building, so we were able to get a snack to keep us going for the rest of the trip.

All in all, we seem to be off to a good start.  As always, anything can happen, good or bad.  We will hope for the good and deal with the bad!

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.

 

October 26, 2009

First Travel Day Went Well

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I am at a computer in the business center at a LaQuinta motel in Shawnee, Oklahoma.  We put on CD’s of short stories.  They were a little strange, but kept our attention as we traveled.  It is a clear shot to Oklahoma City on an excellent Interstate with minimal traffic.  The Flint Hills remain a spectacular sight.  

The rest area at which we stopped had family bathrooms available.  What a Godsend!  My stress level plummets to nothing when I see that we have a family bathroom available rather than trying to find someone to guard the door to a busy women’s restroom while I help Mary Ann. 

It was wonderful to surprise good friend John by appearing at this door for the birthday open house on the occasion of his sixtieth.  I had sent the return comment card ahead in the mail since I wasn’t sure that this would all work out, and I wanted to mislead them into assuming that we would not be there for the open house.  Packing the car the night before actually worked.  We got off at a reasonable hour and made to his home within minutes of the start time of the open house. 

By the way, we were able to include a stop at the Braum’s Dairy Store in Blackwell, OK.   Mary Ann got two scoops of Butter Pecan — there is none better.   I had a two scoop Hot Fudge Sundae covered with salted pecans!  Just to make clear that we know the ice cream decorum — it was after twelve noon (by minutes).   All is well with the world!

It was a treat to see Peggy and reconnect after thirteen years.   I had the joy of being one of three pastors who officiated in their wedding.  After having such a clergy presence, they are assured of being stuck with one another for many years to come.  Somehow, I think they are okay with that!

A special treat was getting to see and talk with John’s Daughter, Hope.  Since I lived in their home for the first few months of my ministry in Bethany, Oklahoma (an inner suburb of OKC), I got to know Hope and Joel during their early years.  Hope was fiesty!  That, my friends, is an understatement.  She was always intriguing and someone to be reckoned with even as a child.  The energy and intelligence and drive were apparent from the outset.  She has turned into an engaging adult who is realizing all that potential — of which the pinnacle is about as cute and pleasant little twenty-one month old little boy as could be imagined.

There was one surprise for me.  After a time, Peggy came out with what was obviously a Christmas present, wrapped nicely, topped with a flat bow that was covered with dust, as in a well-aged bottle of vintage wine.  It turned out to be a Christmas present that they had gotten for me, wrapped and marked with my name in 1996!  By the time it was ready to be given, we had already moved away.  It just never found its way to me — until now.  It was a nicely framed wedding picture of John and Peggy, looking young and excited as they began a new life together.  The picture, of course included the three clergy who joined forces to set them on the right path.

While the folks who attended were from John and Peggy’s life after we moved away, one blast from the past was visiting with Barry, a fellow pastor — who is the consummate smart aleck.  What great fun to see him again and pick up with the bantering as if no time at all had passed.  Barry lost his wife only months ago after a long and very hard battle with diabetes.  This particular experession of the disease did its worst for almost as long as Mary Ann has been dealing with the Parkinson’s.  Pat lost her sight (for the most part) pretty early on.   Barry also has spent many years doing full time ministry and full time caregiving.  There is an instant connection among those who fully understand the dynamics of caregiving from the Caregiver’s perspective. 

After a stop at a Denny’s, eating too much food packed with unhealthy carbs, we have settled in at the motel.  Shawnee is about an hour closer to Hot Springs than John and Peggy’s home in Edmond.  We will not have to drive in any of the OKC city traffic tomorrow.  The balance of the trip should be pretty manageable — although I would not presume to predict how well tomorrow will go.  I am just grateful that we have made the first day without serious problems. 

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.

 

October 25, 2009

Travel Preparations Today

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This time I have made sure that we have all the back up bottles of medicine. The last trip brought more than one medicine crisis — trips to the local 24 hour pharmacy in Louisville.  This time we are heading to Hot Springs, Arkansas.  I have just done something almost unheard of in my travel pattern.  Everything is packed and most of it is already in the car.

I am not sure I can remember when last I actually packed before the morning of the trip.  As I have mentioned in former posts, packing is no small task when packing for two, one of whom is not able to participate in the process.  Portions of the day were spent bringing Mary Ann’s clothes out of the closet for her to go through.  Last trip, she was not pleased that I had managed to forget the nylons that went with her fancy pants outfit.  By the way, on the last trip, those pants caught on her wheel chair when she was sitting down and obtained a very large vent where the seat of tht pants should be.  So much for those fancy pants.  I think we have covered the bases with clothes for warm and for cool.

The black case is a must.  That is the large catalog case with first aid supplies, straws, wipes, plastic silverware, Clorox wipes, Miralax, Tums and anything else I can think of that we might need along the way.

We have been to the library to pick out a few books on CD to choose from as we travel. One is already loaded into the CD player in the car.

There is a bag of snacks, granola bars, bananas, licorice, and breakfast fruit bars.  Sometimes when we stay in a motel, we don’t make it up in time for the breakfast hours and need items to eat so that the morning pills aren’t taken on an empty stomach.

We have lots of the disposables along.  The intestinal issue is not completely resolved.  I am expecting there to be a major production some time soon  That is as delicately put as I can manage while revealing one of the significant challenges Caregivers often face.

I took the role of the bath aide this morning so that we would start the trip at our best — squeaky clean.

We have far more along that would seem necessary for a three night stay at a Bed and Breakfast.  Since the trip is eleven hours one way, we need to break it up into two days for the trip there and two days for the return trip.  We have on occasion had to lengthen a trip for one reason or another.  The one to Tucson, Arizona a few years ago was lengthened by a few days in the hospital.  Those experiences remain in the back of our minds each time we set out on a trip.

And so we are heading off for another adventure.  We cannot know how it will go.  We know far too much about the possibilities for how it might go.  We have tried to prepare to the degree possible.  I just added the booklet we have made with all the pertinent information, doctors’ names and numbers, Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care, Medicine list, family contact information.

With all the preparations made, we actually will relax and enjoy the trip to the extent that circumstances allow.  If there are problems, we will deal with them.

We will be gone for about a week, so the posts will be few to none.  There is a computer to which we will have some access at the Bed and Breakfast.  I hope to provide an occasional update, whether anyone is interested or not!

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.

 

October 23, 2009

A Good Day. Visitors from England.

Posted by PeterT under Daily Challenges, Help from Others, Meaningful Caregiving, Practical Tools for Coping, Therapeutic Activities | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |
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Robin and Margaret are such a joy to be around.  They are cousins to Mary, a good friend, as well as the one who gives so generously of her time scheduling Volunteers to be with Mary Ann.

While it seems impossible that it has been so long, it was seven years ago that they were here last.  We joined them for dinner at Mary’s home the last time they visited.  It is so refreshing to talk with people who see the world as the place where we all live together.  They have tried to make a major trip each year to places like India, China, and places whose names I don’t remember.  Of course they often visit Europe.  Robin described a breathtakingly beautiful spot in Austria where they visit extended family.

Talking with them sparks an awareness that we are citizens of the world, not just our city or state or country.  To talk about a sunset brings to Robin’s mind images of strkingly contrasting colors in the sky ten thousand miles from here.

I shared coffee cupping experiences.  I ground beans from the Gombe Project in Tanzania — of course, grinding them in the burr grinder and making the coffee in the Technivorm coffee maker from Holland — brewing at 200 degrees, waiting for the coffee flavors to bloom in the hot water before breaking the crust of the brewing grounds and only then allowing the coffee to drip through at a slow pace into the thermal decanter.

Robin talked about their monthly wine tasting parties at which they try to guess from where the wine they are tasting has come.  He loves surprising them with wines from places that would never be imagined to produce good wine.

We shared some of the freshly pressed apple cider from the Louisburg Cider Mill we had visited earlier in the week.  A couple of days ago I went to a local coffee shop, whose baker is especially gifted, and bought a dozen cinnamon raisin scones.  We had the scones with the freshly brewed Gombe Project coffee.  While the scones were quite different from the English scones, Robin and Margaret seemed to enjoy them.

Margaret was excited to see the red squirrel feeding on the back deck.  She was thrilled with the Blue Jay that came by in his fresh winter look after the late summer molting.  It was fascinating to talk about the birds and discover just how different the birds are that frequent our respective feeders.

Mary Ann was doing very well, and clearly enjoyed the conversation even though she was not able to participate fully.  It was a good day that we both enjoyed.

An update on the raccoon relocation project:  The trap was out, set and baited the last two nights, but there was no sign that the raccoons visited the deck either night.  There were rain and some storms both nights.  Maybe that discouraged them.  There is fresh bait tonight and no rain at the moment.  We will see what tomorrow morning brings!

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.

 

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