Here we go again.  Tim says it is not Belle and the twins who have returned.  It is a new family that has moved in.  Tim’s conclusion is based on two things: One is that they could not have made it back from so far and crossed the Interstate to do it.  The second reason is that his reputation as a trapper extraordinaire would be injured if it were.

As expected, the return of the raccoons and the conversation about it has sparked Mary Ann’s expectations for seeing them in the bedroom at night.  When we arrived at the bed in preparation for lying down, she looked down to the floor along side the bed to see if she could see little feet — raccoon feet.

Assuming that we accomplish the goal, I can only hope that the trapping and relocating of this little raccoon family will remove that hallucination from the library. After we completed the task of trapping and relocating five raccoons a few weeks ago, while the hallucinations didn’t cease, there were fewer including raccoons.

Today continued to be a pretty good day.  Mary Ann did well at her morning Bible study group.  She spent much of the afternoon with a friend while I ran some errands.  They were on the deck for an hour or so on this beautiful day — something Mary Ann rarely does.  This evening another Volunteer/Friend spent a couple of hours with her.  It is especially satisfying to me when Mary Ann has had a good day and time with others.  It is tough for her to be stuck with me for long periods of time without a break.  Of course, I also appreciate the breaks.  Having time apart improves the quality of our time together.

By the way, that infernal Alien from planet Pedometer Prime that is trying to take over my body managed to send me outside to walk three times today!  This is crazy!  The little device he manipulated me into attaching to my belt says I took 17,581 steps today.  On top of that, the walks brought great pleasure since the day was spectacular.  What a devious plot this Alien is perpetrating.

Gratefully, so far I have successfully frustrated his consumption of my flesh.  By eating large quantities of meat and potatoes, chips, and sandwiches and anything else I can lay my hands on, I have reclaimed the a pound or two of the flesh that he had consumed in the last week or two.  Whew!  That was a scare.

The assessment of the condition of my body in preparation for the exercise and weight control program this Alien presence forced me to join was scheduled for tomorrow.  Maybe the power of the Alien is weakening.  The appointment was written down for the wrong day and had to be rescheduled to a day a couple of weeks from now.  Maybe I will be released from this evil possession before then.

I will report the progress on this round of the raccoon relocation project as soon as there is some.

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I almost won this morning.  The alarm went off and I hit the snooze button.  The same thing happened ten minutes later.  I was on my way to shedding this awful presence by the Alien from Pedometer Prime.  Then, somehow, before I was fully conscious of what was happening, I discovered that I was out walking the neighborhood again!  Will it never end???

I have to tell you now something that will make you cringe wih fear.  You need to know in case this happens to you.  If it could happen to me, it can happen to anyone.  As I prepared to shower, I stepped on the scale, something I do on occasion for no good reason other than to be confident I am still capable of weeks of survival, should I be stranded without food.

To my horror, I discovered the truly evil intent of this Alien presence.  It is a flesh-eating Alien!!  There!  The truth is finally out.  Somehow in the time since the Alien took possession, it has managed to eat two to three pounds of my flesh!!  I am not sure what to do.  At supper last night, I ate far more than one person would need to survive a day or two.  The Alien did snatch from me the Sheridan’s Concrete last night as it drove me to walk still another time yesterday.

I keep trying to consume adequate nourishment, but he is consuming my flesh faster than I can consume food.  This is serious.  I need to keep my ab firm.  Most people say ab’s and have what they call a sixpack.  I have chosen to get my abs in bulk instead of wasting all that packaging.  I have one ab, of substantial size and I intend to keep it.  The Alien is putting it at risk!

What shall I do?  What shall I do?

I have now determined just how this Alien presence got hold of me.  I mentioned in passing an interest in developing healthier behavior in front of one of Mary Ann’s Volunteers.  Tamara became an unwitting tool in the hands of the Alien.  At the Library’s annual used book sale, she came upon a book called “The Volumetrics Eating Plan.”  She bought it and gave it to me.  Neither of us knew the plot that was afoot.  In that book, it suggested getting something called a step counter.

Somehow the Alien drew me to Dick’s Sporting Goods.  I don’t do sports!! I listen to music and feed birds.  What could possibly have possessed me to enter a Sporting goods stores.  Well, the Alien, of course. I bought the device and clipped it to my belt.  Clearly it is some sort of sophisticated mechanism receiving signals that provided a path for a full possession of my body and my will by the Alien from Pedometer Prime searching for a human host.

Do you know what that little device, that step-counter is called?  Yes, a pedometer!  That’s it.  There is not even any subtlety about this invasion.  Pedometer Prime brazenly calls its tool for possessing humans a pedometer.  I am entranced by the little numbers, trying to increase them.  It is simply overpowering.

I haven’t given up yet.  My aversion to exercise, my utter lack of discipline, my love of food will eventually win out — won’t it?

On another note, Mary Ann slept well last night. Shortly after noon, before she ate lunch (we watched a movie this morning and she ate an entire box of Raisinets), she simply could stay awake no longer.  She has been asleep for over an hour.  The norm is that she will sleep at least two hours.  It will be interesting to see how the night goes.

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.

The Alien from Pedometer Prime chooses bribery to seek a permanent home!  Will he succeed?

[If you have not read yesterday’s post, what I just wrote will make no sense.]

This was a very cold and gray morning.  A blustery breeze from the north made it feel even colder when out walking.  Since there was a Volunteer this morning, I was able to go out to the lake where I usually sit in the car, read, listen to music and watch for birds and any other wildlife that may appear.

My regular routine includes moving to the Delaware Marsh below the dam to take a short walk with binoculars handy.  Today, the Alien overpowered my resolve to expend as little energy as possible and set me off at a brisk pace for a long walk around the marsh.

It is an insidious plot.  I started walking feeling as gray as the day, shuddering at every gust of the cold wind and rattle of the leaves on the Cottonwood trees.  The cold kept me walking as fast as I could on the rough ground.  Occasionally I heard or saw evidence of a few birds, but most of them had the sense to stay sheltered from the cold.

As I walked the Alien began to tempt me to let him stay in his new home.  I began to warm as the Alien slowly turned up the thermostat on my body’s furnace.  I walked past the spot my short walks had taken me in the past.  I discovered markers for a path that took me into new areas of trees and fields, marshland and ponds.  The cold air changed from an irritation to be endured to a fresh and inviting Siren.

Even the gray sky ceased to be a depressing presence and became a calming backdrop for trees and weeds and wildflowers.  The Alien was enticing me to embrace his presence rather than send him back to Pedometer Prime.  I made full circle around the Marsh, having had no idea prior to this morning that there was a path all the way around it.  I came around the last turn to an information sign posted on a stand that said I had just walked two miles! That evil and subversive Alien!!!

At the lake I had watched many thousands of gulls resting on the water and flying through the air.  On the drive back across the dam I passed one hawk sitting on a post almost within reach as I went by.   I spotted another hawk and stopped the car on the dam to watch it as it remained absolutely stationary in mid-air, only occasionally moving it wings to reposition itself against the breeze.  I watched that seemingly impossible aerial display for many minutes.  As I left the dam area and traveled a road among the trees to get back to the highway, a couple of deer with very dark coats of hair were standing on either side of the road.

When I arrived back home, there was a hot meal waiting.  As often happens on a Sunday morning (we attend the evening worship service), a Volunteer had come to stay with Mary Ann.  As always, Edie brought with her the fixings for a full, nourishing and tasty meal; she prepared it and set it out on the table for us. There is enough to allow at least one more meal.  No cooking tomorrow!

Now to the title of this post.  I just could not keep Mary Ann awake any longer.  It was tough to keep her up yesterday, but we just kept going, a trip to Sam’s Club at midday, a noon meal (thanks, Lisa, for the pizza muffins), a trip to the regular grocery store, and supper (steak and twice baked potatoes from Omaha Steaks — I hate cleaning the George Foreman grill).

Now with both of us sated after a hot meal, with football on the television, I simply could not convince her to stay out in the living room in her chair.  She is more of a professional football fan than am I.   The Kansas City Chiefs were playing (they just lost in overtime — no surprise they lost, just that they managed to take it to overtime).  The only team that would capture her interest more would be Da Bears.  I cajoled and encouraged, but she was clearly wiped out.  She is still in recuperation mode from the long trip from which we returned a couple of days ago.

The question remains: Will she sleep tonight?  After ten good nights in a row, none following a daytime nap, tonight seems likely to break the string.  There has not been a clear pattern correlating naps and restless nights, but common sense suggests there must be some correlation.  Here is hoping that in this case common sense does not prevail.

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.

Warning!! The return of the body snatchers has begun!  Aliens from a newly discovered hidden planet just outside the orbit of Pluto, a planet named Pedometer Prime, have snatched both Mary Ann and me and replaced us each with one of their own, beginning the invasion.

Actually, the invasion has already begun. You can see them everywhere.  They are walking the sidewalks with a telltale look of superiority on their faces that seems to say, “I am walking and you are not!”  They threaten to take over by the sheer weight of their numbers as they outlive the rest of us.

My only hope is that a rainy day will come, breaking the power of the alien with which I am possessed.  However, I have heard that some of the aliens just move indoors to malls and gyms when it rains.  Frightening!!!

Actually, I am virtually immune to a long term stay of my resident alien, since the power of my laziness and lack of discipline is likely to drive him out soon, probably within hours.

Yes, it is true.  Yesterday when we were returning from the library and the requisite trip to G’s for Turtle Sundaes, I asked Mary Ann if she would be okay sitting in the car at Cedarcrest (a park that surrounds and includes the Governor’s Mansion) while I walked for bit.  There are many paths including one that is fairly level, in an open area including some picturesque ponds, a path about a mile in length.

The day was spectacular.  It was cool and crisp and clear.  The sky was the crystal blue of the approaching winter.  There was much pleasure just soaking in the beauty of the fall colors and the scents of Autumn.  I suspect there may have been a trickle of endorphens assisting since that comparatively short walk got this little exercise averse body pumping blood to every extremity including my brain.

If that is not enough — and this is what assured me of the alien presence — I got up this morning, earlier than usual, put the Lifeline around Mary Ann’s neck so that it would be within reach as she remained in bed, layered a shirt and jacket for the thirty degree morning and walked a little over a mile in the neighborhood.  I hope this is not a sign of some cataclysmic event bringing all life as we know it to an end.  Let’s hope not.

And now, here I sit at the computer writing this post and it is still morning!!!  Having spent a week in another time zone, our body clocks shifted just enough to make it possible to get up and hour earlier without so much effort.  Another odd but pleasing quirk is that Mary Ann has been sleeping well at night.  Understand for us a good night’s sleep still includes a couple of trips during the night to the commode and a couple more very early in the morning.  Mary Ann slept well every night during our trip and has slept well the last two nights.  That could, of course, change tonight.  If it does, it does.  If the good nights continue, we will just enjoy them.

Added hours in the morning create both a challenge and an opportunity to get out of the house a little more.  I have inferred from Mary Ann’s sleeping so well on the trip that staying awake all day does help the nights go better.  That, of course, seems obvious, but in the past staying up all day has not necessarily correlated to sleeping well at night.

Well, we had better get out of the house before we return to our usual vegetative state.

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.