Mary Ann slept reasonably well last night — back to a more normal pattern of getting up to use the commode.  She was up before 6am for some food, but was willing to lie back down for a while.  She got up at 7am for food and pills.  She did pretty well, handling most of the consumption on her own — just a little help with some of the yogurt.  She continues to be able to hold her head up, at least for a while.  She is communicating a little better.

She was up for about two hours and is now back in bed.  Yesterday late afternoon she was up for about two and a half hours.  I am assuming that as time goes by she will be able to stay up during most of a full day, but there are no guarantees that will be so. I am certainly feeling better about how she is functioning now than I was two days ago.  There is a way to go yet to regain the pre-hospital norm, if that is to be the case.

One of Mary Ann’s friends from Junior High days is celebrating her 50th wedding anniversary today.  This was the 50th anniversary year of Mary Ann’s graduation from East Aurora High School  East High is, of course, an arch rival to West Aurora High from which I graduated a couple of years later.  We have been married almost 44 years — and they said it couldn’t work, a girl from East High and a boy from West High.

Cherri is thrilled with the celebration.  In these times, it is a remarkable thing to have longevity in a marriage. They have children and grandchildren that bring them great joy.  Cherri shared words of love and concern for Mary Ann, recognizing the contrast between her mobility and the options that mobility provides and Mary Ann’s plight.  She and Joy and Terry, along with Mary Ann made up a foursome to be reckoned with.  When they are together it is as if not a day has passed since they hung out together so many years ago.  They all care very much for Mary Ann and hate seeing that feisty lady they have known, trapped in a body that won’t cooperate and diminishing in mental acuity.  She has had such a wonderfully wicked sense of humor that could get you when you least expected it.

Along with the sadness at what has been lost, is something that is not so obvious, something that is important.  It is something that has not been lost, but found.  It is something that is there, available to all of us if only we will pay attention.  It is something that our situation makes more visible.  It sounds very trite to say it this way, but it is not at all trite.

Mary Ann and I live at the very core of life all day long every day.  There is deep and profound meaning in the simplest of tasks.  There is not a trivial moment in our days.  While there are great limitations on the options available to us for activities, there is no limit to the value of our time.  Our lives are filled with meaning.  Whether there is sleeping going on or time on the commode or eating or going in the car or sitting on the deck or watching the computer screen saver move through pictures of our Grandchildren, there is value attached to each moment.

Anyone who has lived long enough to have gone through painful times is likely to be aware of the meaning attached to the time we have.  Every moment we are in, contains all the time there is.  It is a moment of life, which my spirituality understands to be a moment intentionally given by the Someone who gives us life.

While the heart of Christianity often gets clouded by caricatures shaped by the loudest voices who seek to define what Christianity is, the truth is, it is a relationship created and sustained by a kind of love that is ultimately beyond human comprehension.  It is not a set of behaviors or a political position but a connection with One who produces good behavior to the degree we don’t ignore that connection.  The core is the relationship, not the behavior.

Back to Mary Ann’s day.  Edie spent the morning with her.  Apparently, Mary Ann got up and spent the morning engaging in conversation as well as watching and talking about the preparation of the meal.  We enjoyed a hearty meal, watched football for a while (of course, the Chiefs lost again), and then Mary Ann decided to lie down again.

Tonight is the time we usually attend a worship service.  At the moment, I am not very confident that will happen.  She has not yet dressed today.  I would be surprised if she would tolerate preparations to be out with people.  We will see.  It is still a couple of hours to Service time.  She is sleeping soundly at the moment.

As expected, she was not ready to try heading out in the car and attending the Service.  She was up for a while, ate a little, watched a little television and headed back to bed.

Tomorrow begins with the bath aide and includes an afternoon trip to the dentist.  It will be interesting to see if she has the stamina to do both.

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It is about 11:30am and Mary Ann is still sleeping.  She got up last evening long enough to eat some ice cream and apple crisp.  Then she took her pills, went back to bed and slept the entire night.  This morning, there was a commode trip at about 7am, then at about 8:30am she got up long enough to have juice (with Miralax) and yogurt.  Then she decided she wanted to go back to bed.

The good news about this is that when she has been up, she has been able to interact verbally and has not been picking up threads that are not there, nor has she acted as if she was hallucinating.  Her head is no longer hanging down on her chest.  Needless to say, those are encouraging signs. She is still unable able to eat without assistance.  I fed her last night and this morning, even putting her pills in her mouth.  She did manage to lift the cup and drink most of the juice by herself.

Yesterday, I chose not to awaken her for medications.  Most of her meds are intended to help her when she is up and about.  Most of them have a short half life.  They help when they are in her system, but are not necessarily maintaining a constant level of medicine 24/7.  Missing one dose of the meds seemed to me to be acceptable. I concluded that the rest was more important.  She did take her night time meds, so there has been no interruption in them.  She took the morning pills today, and while she was lying in bed, I changed the Exelon patch she had worn for two days.  That is a med that needs not to be stopped for long.  It is pretty powerful and when initiating the patch, it takes a month on a lower dose to keep from creating the unpleasant side effect of pretty bad nausea — been there, done that.  I am also going to wake her up for the meds that come every two hours during the day.  My goal is to return to and maintain a normal schedule in hopes that will help us return to the pre-hospital norm.

The other parallel recuperation activity needed includes intestinal activity.  There has been some activity, this morning during the 7am trip to the commode.  Then before going to back to bed after breakfast (the yogurt, juice and pills) there was a little more substantial activity.  At the risk of being indelicate (there is nothing delicate about being a Caregiver), it is still at the stage where manual help is needed.  With that lovely image in mind, you can appreciate my excitement when things come out on their own and Dr. Oz’s S appears.  We are not yet back to that wonderful normal.  At this point I am hopeful that in a couple of days we will be there.

Of course I cannot know where this will go, but my intention is to methodically do all the things we have normally done in the past as they are possible.  My hope is that by Tuesday, a week from leaving the hospital, normal will have returned.  Whatever is so by then will probably need to be established as our new norm.

My need to establish a norm of some sort, any sort, comes from the way I am wired.  When I get a set of expectations in mind, it is tough for me to incorporate changes very quickly.  Since retirement, the rewiring is in progress.  By removing almost all commitments, there is space and time to adapt to whatever changes come without the added stress of failing to meet those commitments.  When we went to the hospital, there were a few appointments (dentist, doctor, among them) to be changed, but nothing for which I had to find substitutes or burden others to do for me.

Even though things can change dramatically at any moment (as in Saturday’s entrance into the hospital), the norm is where my pivot foot rests when I turn to meet the unplanned, unexpected.  Unlike Michael Jordan in his best days, I cannot hang in the air for very long without a place to stand.

In a moment of devotional time last evening, I read this prayer.  I receive a weekly email from the National Catholic Reporter web site with a devotion by Fr. Ed Hayes.  (Yes, they allow Lutheran Pastors on their site.)  I have appreciated his writings for decades, and I had the privilege of doing a marriage ceremony with him many years ago.

I need prayers for flexibility!

A Psalm of Flexibility

O spirit of God’s eternal springtime heart,
grant me the virtue of elasticity.

Make my heart as boundless as my Beloved’s heart,
which at this moment is creating
new galaxies and infant suns.

Make me pliable and playful with your Spirit
as you teach me the alchemist’s recipe
of how to keep my heart’s skin
like baby’s skin, ever-expansive,
able to hold the wildest of wines.

Stir my mind well with your sacred spoon
to awaken the fermentation of ideas
stilled by the ten thousand little compromises
required of me by the stiffness
of the old leathered skins of society and religion.

Gift me with elastic frontiers of heart and mind,
so I can see before my eyes,
both in the heavens and on earth,
how old and ever-new are those partners
passionately dancing together
in the perpetual birthing of your universe.

From Prayers for a Planetary Pilgrim by Ed Hays

The Spiritual support I receive through Ed’s writings, through the Taize Music from their site, from Weavings, a spirituality journal, through Scripture, corporate worship and the Spiritual Formation Group that meets at our house weekly, helps provide the source strength that has allowed survival so far.

There are many wonderful folks who give personal support to our household.  Yesterday afternoon, John called and asked to come over for a time to talk.  John has been a support for very many years.  Mary, our friend who schedules Volunteers, had let him know that things were getting a little hard to handle at our house.  Yesterday, Edie, the leader of our Spiritual Formation group emailed about the possibility of bringing dinner over.  Don and Edie came over and we feasted on lasagna, salad, gourmet bread, some Shiraz red wine, topped off with apple crisp and vanilla ice cream.  Mary Ann slept through supper, but ate a big bowl of apple crisp and ice cream later in the evening.

It is now about 1:30pm and Mary Ann is still sleeping soundly.  She has had two rounds of the meds that come at two hour intervals during the day.  To administer the meds, I put my hand under the pillow, lift her head, put them in her mouth, hold a straw to her mouth and she drinks until the pill(s) are down.  Often, when I give her the pill(s), she gets up from napping.  The last few days when I let her head back down, she just goes back to sleep.  It has not been unusual in the past for her to continue to sleep, just not so many times in a row.

She finally got up and dressed around 2:30pm.  She ate a little more, then provided some unaided intestinal activity worthy celebration.  She went back to bed at about 5pm.  It is 9:30pm now.  She is still sleeping.  We will see how the night goes.

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“Are you going to pack up so that we can go?”  She thought we were still in the hospital.  After all the naps yesterday, the first part of the night was pretty tough.  She was up every few minutes sitting up, messing with the sheet.  She said she was making the bed.  It must have happened a dozen times with only minutes between each one.

When she thought she was in the hospital, I pointed to her quilt hanging behind the bed as I did once before.  This time she just said, “She keeps insisting,” which I understood to mean her “other self.”  She has not used that language before, but that sort of delusion is among the problems I hear about in the online Lewy Body Dementia Spouse Caregiver group.  That may not be what she meant, but it certainly sounded that way.

She settled down by about 1:00am.  Gratefully, she stayed asleep other than for a couple of trips to the bathroom for a number of hours.  This morning before 5am, she got up in need of something to eat.  I got her up and to the table for some juice and crackers.

Again this morning, she could not manage to negotiate eating the cracker without my feeding it to her.  She couldn’t manage the juice by herself either. She couldn’t seem to locate her mouth with the straw.  That has happened on occasion in the last weeks, even before the hospital stay.

Gratefully, after having the juice and crackers, she went back to bed and to sleep, and has been sleeping ever since– it is about 9:45am now.  She is moving around quite a bit in bed, but that sort of movement has been so from some years before the Parkinson’s was first diagnosed (22 years ago).  Vivid dreams with physical movements associated is one of the signs of future problems with this sort of dementia.  Of course, it is not a direct correlation, lest those of you who experience that think you are doomed to dementia.  It is somewhat predictive, but lots of other things come into play for problems with dementia to arise later in life — both genetic and environmental.  At least that is my understanding from what I have heard and read.  I am not an expert!!  Please don’t attach that burden to any observations I make.

I just glanced at the monitor again to see how Mary Ann is doing.  I did that automatic check that is natural to those of us who are Caregivers.  She was fairly still.  I waited and watched to see her body movement to verify that she is breathing.  Her current circumstances do not seem precipitous, so there is no special need to check.  It is just a normal response to her general condition.

Parenthetically, I didn’t trip the live trap soon enough this morning.  There is now another squirrel with a frightening tale to tell.

She has been sleeping now for many hours.  It is almost noon.   I am wondering who she will be when she awakens — the confused Mary Ann, or the one who is still mostly functional.  I am going to let her sleep as long as she can in hopes that she will “sleep it off” and return to the  version of normal we had before the hospital stay.

It is almost 4:30pm.  Mary Ann stirred for the first time today at about 4pm.  She got up to go to the bathroom.  We changed the disposable underwear, and I thought she would then get dressed.  Instead, she wanted to put her pajama bottoms back on and go back to bed.  That is where she is now. 

Once before she slept for almost two days after having had multiple sleepless nights which had resulted in much increased hallucinating.  She was significantly improved after that two day sleep.  I am, of course, hoping, planning, expecting that to be the case this time.  I am not so foolish as to count on it as a certainty.  She may be anywhere from completely lucid to virtually unable to function. 

As always, we will deal with what comes when it comes.  While I have in my heart of hearts ruled out residential care, this experience is causing me to reconsider at least thinking about the possibility.  I am still not actually considering it, but I am allowing a mental review of my position on the matter.   At the moment, all the options I am actually considering involve remaining here at home, adding whatever help or equipment is needed.

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There is smoke coming out of the china cabinet!  You had better wash that bedspread, there is dirt all over it.   Is that cat real?  The cat question was a bit encouraging since she did not simply assume that it was real.

She accepted my offer to feed her when she just couldn’t seem to negotiate her bowl of “Little Bites” shredded wheat.  She had managed most of the yogurt on her own.  She again had trouble getting the straw to work as I tried to get her to finish the Miralax in water.  That is one of the most important items in her medication regimen.  At first she wanted to drink without the straw, but there was no way to get her head erect enough for the water to make it in her mouth.  In the hospital, when she was most disconnected at night, she couldn’t manage to suck on the straw, but blew through it instead.

There have been some moments of lucid interactions.  As she was lying down for a nap (about an hour after getting up), she mentioned lisiening to the “radio” meaning the book on CD that we were listening to on the trip.

By the way, she did sleep better after the applesauce last night.  It is a good thing.  I was running out of patience with the constant needs every few minutes.  There were more times up throughout the night, but there was enough time between them to get some sleep. She did get up pretty early this morning.

I am starting this post early in the day in hopes that I can get to bed earlier tonight.  Of course, my hope is that Mary Ann will be able to get to sleep at a reasonable hour and stay asleep other than a few trips to the commode during the night tonight.

It is now mid-afternoon.  It continues to be a very difficult day.  After her nap, during which I wrote the paragraphs above, we attempted lunch.  There was a piece of Glory Days’ Pizza left from yesterday.  That is her favorite.  I cut it up for her, and she managed a few bites of it with her fork.  Normally, she has no trouble eating small pieces of pizza with a fork.  Finally, I needed to help her. As she had yesterday, she tried to take a drink of Pepsi and set the cup down on top of the pizza on her plate, seemingly unaware that she was doing so.

She ate a few bites of her favorite green Jello, Cool Whip and cottage cheese salad that Mary brought yesterday.  After a two or three spoonfuls she was done.  I offered her a chocolate chip cookie.  She could not negotiate holding it and getting it to her mouth.  I helped her eat half the cookie.

We drove over to Doug and Marikay’s so that I could get a much needed haircut.  She sat with her head down during that time.  When we drove back by the coffee shop, I offered to use a buy one get one free Dairy Queen Blizzard coupon.  She just couldn’t answer intelligibly.  I concluded that she did not want any.  She would not have been able to handle eating it at the DQ, but we could have brought them home.

Moments ago, she wanted to go to the bedroom for some reason of which I was not aware.  When we got there, she wanted to get dressed for bed and was irritated that I didn’t realize what she thought was obvious.  I explained that it was only 3:30pm, and she recognized that it would be too soon to go to bed.

She is now listening to the book on CD that we started on our trip to Hot Springs.  What a dramatically different place we are now, less than a week from the time we were enjoying there.  I just asked if she had any pain or anything was hurting.  She said clearly that she was not hurting in any way.  Her head remains hanging, but she seems to be awake.  I don’t know if she is able to follow the book, but at least at the moment she is remaining in the chair.

I continue to hope that at some point she will snap out of it.  Right now, we would not be able to manage going out to eat in a restuarant, one of our main treats.  This is a whole new place in this trek, a place we would rather not be.

So far this is a pretty distressing day.  She is lying down again.  It is about 4:45pm.  I asked her earlier if it would be okay for us to go to the Parkinson’s Support Group tonight.  She connected with the question and said it would be.  Then a while later she fell while I was on two phone calls, one a survey from our Financial folks on the land line and another on the cell phone from our Son who is on vacation with his family in Colorado.  They had just seen an American Bald Eagle as they were driving along.  She decided she did not want to go to the Support Group meeting.  She said she needed to lie down.  There had apparently been lots of drainage from her mouth the last time she was napping.  I hadn’t noticed just how much it was earlier.  I changed the bed and have her bedding and pillow in the washing machine at the moment.

I am writing lots today, I suppose on account of the need just to talk about what it going on.  This is a new level of need.  At moments like this there is a sense of isolation that comes, recognizing that even with all the support we have from so many wonderful people, ultimately we are on our own as we deal with this.  No one can do it for us.  Others have lives full of needs that they must deal with.

I am, of course, confident of the Lord’s Presence.  Even the Lord experienced a sense of isolation.  It is helpful to recognize that kinship.

On a lighter note, I forgot to spring the live trap this morning after there was no raccoon to be found in it.  A squirrel managed to trip it while foraging for seed that had fallen into the trap.  Is he going to have a story to tell!  He moved like lightning when I opened the door to the trap.

There may be more to tell as the evening wears on, but I will post this now and write more later or tomorrow.

Addendum: Mary Ann got up from her third nap today just long enough to change into her pajamas.  The sheets needed to be changed again on account of the drainage from her mouth.  The washer and dryer are getting a workout.  Logic says that tonight will be a restless night since there were three naps today.  I guess my hope is that she is sleeping off the confusion and will soon return to normal. 

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This has been something of an odd day.  Mary Ann woke up seeming fairly alert. Very soon, she shifted to a minimally responsive mode.  For much of the day, her head hung down on her chest.  She seemed ready to roll forward out of the transfer chair.  The bath aid when she was here, Volunteer Margaret (our Parish Nurse) when she was there or I needed to hold her shoulders up to keep her from going over.

She had a routine Mammogram this afternoon.  It was quite a struggle for two techs to get her positioned and hold her up for the x-rays.

She did a little better after a mid-afternoon nap, but resumed the head down position again after a bit.  Supper was a challenge for her, but she did get a fair amount eaten.

The hallucinations have continued.  I have been back and forth a number of times as I have been trying to write this post.  For the most part, she is saying things that don’t really make any sense.  She starts to say something and then stops, apparently losing track of it or recognizing that it makes no sense.  This has been one of the more challenging times in our journey.

I recognize the head on the chest problem from many of the posts of those in the caregiving spouses of those who have Lewy Body Dementia online support group.  Again, I am hoping that this is just a temporary dip into the Parkinson’s Disease Dementia.  Since we live so close to the boundary between lucidity and confusion, there is always a fear that we will move over that line permanently.  This particular type of dementia, is very unpredictable.  People can move in and out of lucidity and functionality seemingly at random.

There have been only minutes between needs for the last hour or so.  The last trip was for another visit to the commode, just five minutes after the previous trip to the commode.  As we were taking care of that, she asked if we were going home.  I said that we were home and pointed out her quilt hanging on the wall in the bedroom.  That seemed to satisfy her for the moment that she was in her own bed.

It is these times of utter confusion that are among the very hardest for me to handle.  The constant needs that cannot be satisfied since either the words make no sense or what she sees has no substance are very wearing.  Right now it appears that this will be another sleepless night filled with constant frustration.  Then again, maybe not.  The signs are not good at the moment.

Another trip to help her sit up — lots of words that made no sense.  She did agree that she wanted to go back to bed.  We will see how many minutes pass until her next need to get up for something indiscernible.

Five more minutes, another trip to the commode.  This time she wanted something to eat.  She decided to go to the table for a snack container of applesauce.  She took my arm to walk (our usual pattern), then she wanted to continue with the walker (very difficult for her to handle), then she recognized that she needed the wheels (transfer chair), and finally we made it to the table.  All those changes happened in the span of about twenty feet from where we started at the bed to the table.

She usually feeds herself when she has the applesauce, but that wasn’t working for her tonight.  I offered and she chose to have me feed her.  After some difficulty with her trying to get something off the bed, something that was not there (didn’t I see that pile of whatever it was), she is now back in bed for how long — I don’t know.  It is about 11:30pm.  She said that Zandra would soon be here.  Zandra is the bath aide who comes in the morning two days a week.  Zandra was here this morning.

She seems to be stirring again.  Let’s see what it is this time.

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Finally!  We came home around 3:30pm today.  While the staff at the hospital was wonderful, and Mary Ann had excellent care, the dementia has increased dramatically.  Physically, she is fine.  We are back to normal, riding the margin between heart issues and Autonomic Nnervous System issues (fainting due to sudden drops in blood pressure).  It is not, of course, where we would choose to be if we had a choice, it is just what is so.

From the very first sleepless night, the first night we were there, the decline has been steady.  Last night was terribly difficult.  I put up the rails on the bed so that she would not get up and try to walk by herself on a very slippery, very hard floor.  She just could not accept that the catheter allowed her to stay in bed rather than head to the bathroom.  She saw people and animals and messes here and there.  Today she described in detail a busy cluster of bees on the floor at some time during the night.

I sat beside her on her bed for fifteen minutes to a half hour a number of times during the night.  At one point when she was awake, in the middle of the night, I checked my watch to see how much time there was between the need for me to get up and respond to her or help her.  The time was usually between ninety seconds and two minutes.

I realized that if we were required to stay another night, I would need to arrange for a paid companion so that I could get some sleep.  The constant nighttime needs are more than I can handle and remain rational, patient and helpful, after just two or three nights like last night.

Talking with the doctors helped clarify just how important it was to get back home to a stable routine and familiar setting.  They agreed that the additional tests being considered would not serve any real purpose.

While there were differing opinions by the two doctors and the Physician’s Assistant, two out of three felt that there was no compelling reason to expect more vulnerability to Congestive Heart Failure than there has been since the first bout five years ago.  We are going to return to our pattern of life to the degree the dementia will allow.

Mary Ann decided to go to bed at 5:30pm this evening. She has been up and down a a few times already.  Of course, I won’t know how tonight will go until morning.

I had mentioned in passing to one of the nurses that I appreciated having all the folks at the hospital with the care recognizing that Mary Ann and I would pretty much be on our own to deal with the aftermath when we got home.  I suspect she mentioned it to the Social Worker at the hospital who came in to talk with me before we left.  It is the norm that a Hospital Social Worker will check to see what if any needs there might be when a patient goes home.  This time the questions indicated some extra effort at listening to our situation.

The Social Worker mentioned that the nurses had spoken well of the care being provided Mary Ann.  Since I am no longer in a role that provides opportunity for external validation it was especially meaningful to hear those words of affirmation.  The Social Worker seemed to feel very good about the support system we have, from family and the congregation.  She sees folks who have little or no support as they try to care for a Loved One.

The day tomorrow is a full Wednesday.  It will be interesting to see how Mary Ann does with all that will go on.  I am going to continue our activities based on the assumption that alertness and the ability to track will return and the hallucinations will diminish. It that improvement does not come, we will adapt.  It is what we do.

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This is one of our most dreaded experiences.  Mary Ann felt some chest discomfort after a long nap Saturday afternoon   We had returned home from Eureka Springs Friday late in the day.  We were in the car when she mentioned the discomfort.  I gave her a Nitroglycerin pill (sublingual) and we drove to the next stop to give it a chance to work.  It did not seem to help.

She described the pain as a heaviness in her chest rather than a sharp or focused pain.  I recognized that as the Congestive Heart Failure sort of description of discomfort.  We stopped at the house to pick up a couple of things and headed off for the Emergency Room.

Sure enough, she was in heart failure.  There was Pulmonary Edema, fluid build up in her chest.  There also were slightly elevated heart enzymes which could indicate a heart attack of some sort.  The blood tests since then have indicated that there was not a heart attack, just the Congestive Heart Failure.

She was admitted so that they could go through the normal series of tests to check things out.   Of course, since it is a weekend, any tests other than xray and blood tests need to be done on Monday.

Hospital stays are dreaded not because there is something wrong with the hospital or the staff.  One problem is that the complexity of Mary Ann’s cluster of problems and the many medications taken at very specific times are hard to handle with rotating shifts and rules that are constructed to cover any liability for mistakes. That complexity demands my staying with her in the room 24/7 until she goes home.

As usual, she was up the entire first night.  And, of course, so was I.  Gratefully, she did sleep much of the night last night.  I had anticipated being up all night every night, so getting some sleep last night was a treat.  Of course there were very many times during the night that vitals were taken, blood was taken, and various other activities woke us up often.

Getting the meds from the hospital pharmacy is tedious and frustrating.  There are patterns that need to be followed that sometimes result in the timing of pills changing in ways that don’t make sense in terms of the result that is sought from taking them. The staff has been willing to accept my input, making that issue less of a problem.

The doctors are tugged in so many directions with emergencies often tying them up for long periods of time (a good thing for those having the emergency) that there is no knowing when they will come in for the report, to answer questions and give instructions.  As a result those of us who are Caregivers have to remain in the room until they arrive — no matter when in the day that turns out to be.

This morning we are waiting for the doctor to tell us if Mary Ann will need a heart cath (unlikely at this point).  Just in case the test is to be done, she can have no food or drink.  It is after 9:30am (10:30am according to her body clock since the time changed yesterday) and she has been begging for food or drink since about 6:30am.  She was pretty tired and unresponsive yesterday, so had very little food, only a couple of snacks.

One of the most difficult problems to negotiate at the hospital is that the combination of the stress, lack of sleep, medication changes, and the changed routine results in lots of confusion.  The hallucinations increase.  There have been lots of people in the room (not actually here), needles, threads, water, and just a few minutes ago, a ten dollar bill on the floor.  After confirming that it was not there, I suggested that she keep working on that one and make it a twenty.  She immediately responded “greedy.”

Sometimes in the past she has gotten pretty resistant, sometimes unwilling to do what she is asked, sometimes pulling out tubes, getting almost belligerent.  This time there has been just a little of that, at least so far.  It has been manageable.

Our Son, Micah, came for most of the day yesterday, so I had a chance to go home and shower.  It was too bad she was not able to stay awake or respond much to him.  She still appreciated his presence.  They have a good time together.

I am pleased that there is wi-fi here so that I can check email and write this.  Last night the connection was going on and off so often that I never did get this finished and posted.  I was too tired to keep waiting for the connection to return, so I gave up and fell asleep.

That is all I will write for now.  We hope to be home soon, but will, of course, deal with whatever comes.

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