The short string of good days ended, beginning last night.  The remote control sitting two feet from her was a candy bar.  That and some other comments hinted at what was coming.  Last night she was up at least once an hour throughout the night.  She got up early this morning.

As I sat next to her in the living room she spoke with a very rational and clear voice asking about some things.  She asked if the blond young man who had come by was Daughter Lisa’s boy friend.  There was no blond young man, and Lisa, husband Denis and the girls in Kentucky are absolutely secure.  No amount of talking by me or Lisa has managed to remove that from her repertoire of hallucination/dreams/delusions.

She wanted to be sure to get the Tom Mix Western back to the library.  We haven’t been to the library and certainly have never taken out a Tom Mix book.  He was a western hero in the movies from before Mary Ann and I were born.

She wanted to make a list of things to send to the kids, all she could think of was a blue tennis shoe for a baby she concluded they had left here.  She looked outside that decided that there had been an avalanch.  I asked if she was referring to the waterfall.  She said it was under the waterfall.  She was struck by the orange-green tree in bloom in the back yard.  We do have a Tulip Poplar that has orange and green blossoms early in the summer.  There were barely any leaves on the tree yet.  Where she was looking when she said that was not where that tree is located.

She decided that the eyelets on my hiking boots (which I wear every day now that I am retired) were jingle bells.  She tried to make them jingle but they would not work.  She told me in that matter of fact voice that her oldest Brother’s widow had changed her last name, having married someone whose name was new to me.  I am confirming that such a thing has not happened.

We talked for a while about the fact that I knew the things she had said not to be true outside of her thinking and dreaming.  She said there was no reason that I would lie to her about it, espeicially about our Daughter.  She said she just felt that people were keeping things from her.  I explained that all the folks I read about online shared that their spouses suffering from the disease that she had talked the same way about things.

I recognize that telling her it is the disease is not going to convince her that the dreams/hallucinations/delusions are not real.  I just want to be consistently telling her the truth as I understand it since sometimes she is lucid and seems to understand that they are not real.

She was not up for long this morning before wanting to lie down.  She slept for over five hours.  I knew that I should insist on her getting up periodically to go to the bathroom, but she seemed unable, certainly unwilling to get up at the two hour intervals at which I gave her a pill.  There was bedding to be washed and pj bottoms to be washed.

She finally got up to eat a late lunch around 4pm.  We were invited to head to Neighbors Carol and Eddie’s house for ice cream and goodies.  I thought we could try.  Mary Ann wanted to do it.  She was having trouble with hallucinations as well as trouble sitting up without fainting.  I asked her again, and she insisted that she was all right. I called to say we would be coming over in about an hour.

Immediately after doing so, she moved to her spot in front of the television and her head went down on the little table with the pillow.  After a bit the deadly combination of fainting and intestinal activity began.  I was able to get to the phone to cancel just before it began in earnest.  Gratefully, it did not last as long as it had that last and most difficult Saturday evening.  As always, it was very demanding physically.  It has to be hard on her, but she remembers very little of it.

She is in bed, but seems to be in the sort of mode that is likely to result in lots of night time activity.  That remains to be seen.

I spent the time she was napping in deck therapy and more sunflower seedling removal.  I reread the article from Weavings that I read yesterday.  I also got the latest newsletter from a nearby Spiritual Formation retreat center called Shantivanam.  The newsletter has a short series of segments for meditation.  The birds were fairly active again.  By the way, the crazy Robin returned this morning to challenge his reflection in the lower window on the deck.  They had quite a battle.  I am not sure who won, but he finally left after a half hour or so.

A few minutes ago, Mary Ann needed a commode trip and asked if the people were settled down and in bed.  I just couldn’t bring myself to follow the general wisdom and just say yes.  I told her that while I could go along with the hallucinations, I wanted her to know that I would always tell her the truth whether she wanted to hear it or not.  I told her that there are no other people here.  It is just the two of us, and we are in this together.  Whether it is the best way to respond or not, it is the one I have chosen.

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