Maybe this will be our new Thanksgiving tradition, barbequed ribs, pork and brisket with stuffing on the side.  The meal was tasty, lots of food, great desserts, both pumpkin pie and Baskin & Robbins Grasshopper Pie for Granddaughter Chloe’s birthday treat.

Mary Ann seemed pretty tired today, especially in the morning before the kids came.  She did not talk much during the day, but Son, Micah, got her to laugh a few times. He has a way of connecting with her that is fun to watch.

Chloe is, of course, a breath of fresh air.  She is warm and engaging always making clear to both her Grandma and her Grandpa that we are loved.  She is such a sweety.

Becky brings a brightness and positive energy with her that lifts us up.  She treats us with love and respect, always thoughtful of our unique circumstances.  She always provides relief from the cleanup task by insisting on doing it for us.  That gift does not come from some automatic domestic role expectation, it is an intentional and thoughtful act of generosity, offering me some respite from the task.

Chloe and I did a little bird-feeding together.  Micah helped with a clean up of some of the Cypress needles that had fallen into the lower area of the pondless waterfall installed last summer.  I described to them plans for a possible remodel to the back of the house that would provide additional indoor space with lots of glass so that we could enjoy the waterfall and the birds more than we can now, since there is no easily accessible view of the water fall from inside the house.  No decision is made on the project, but the decision-making process is in motion.

Later in the afternoon, Micah shared something he had been thinking about.  He has plenty of access to information on my side of the family in terms of health history.  My siblings are all living, and over the years he has had a fair amount of contact given the geography with cousins.

Micah noted that he has very little knowledge of his Mom’s side of the family.  Only Mary Ann’s Mother was still living when Lisa and Micah were born.  Two of her three brothers died, one of Lung Cancer and the other of Acute Leukemia, when Micah was almost too young to remember.  The third brother chose to alienate himself completely from the family at the death of their Mother.  It is pretty much too painful for Mary Ann even to talk about.

As a result, Micah did not have a chance to get to know her family other than her Mother.  The same is so for Lisa, although, since she is three and a half years older than Micah, she probably has a few more memories of her Mom’s brothers.

What developed from the conversation was the idea of our traveling back to Northern Illinois to visit with Mary Ann’s two deceased brothers’ families to hear stories about them that will help fill in that void of knowledge.  The email has gone out to see if there is a possibility of having a family gathering to reminisce and share stories.

After a nice time on the phone with our Daughter Lisa, who shares her brother’s interest in connecting with their Mom’s family, Mary Ann has settled into bed, and I have been thinking about Mary Ann’s family connections.  She loves and is loved by her family.  The death of her Father, a few weeks after we were married, the deaths of her two brothers (each one at the age of 51), being hurt so deeply by her other brother as that relationship was severed, and finally the death of her Mother, left Mary Ann feeling very much alone.

Her Sisters-in-Law and her Nieces and Nephews seem to love and respect Aunt Mary very much.  She is not only separated from them by geography (a ten or twelve hour drive demanding two days of travel for us to get there).  She cannot talk audibly on the phone, or react quickly enough to maintain a conversation on the phone.  Sometimes she can’t get any words at all to come out.  She hasn’t been able to write legibly for the last few years.  She cannot negotiate a computer keyboard or control a computer mouse.  It is frustrating to her and to those who long to interact with her.

I hope something materializes that will allow our children a window into Mary Ann’s family, and a chance for Mary Ann to feel part of a family of her very own.

Tomorrow afternoon is the first meeting with our Cardiologist after the trip to the hospital for Congestive Heart Failure three weeks ago.  He was out of town at the time of the hospital stay.  I delivered to his office a letter and attachment requesting consideration of a change in meds that might help with the fainting while not raising her blood pressure when lying down.  I intend to report on that visit in tomorrow evening’s post.

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