I asked our two adult children to respond to some suggested questions to provide their perspective on our situation and to share their feelings about the journey they have been on with us.  Two evenings ago I posted our Son, Micah’s response. 

Tonight’s post includes the response of our daughter, Lisa.  Lisa just turned 40 years old on the Fourth of July.  I remember holding her as the first steps were taken on the moon.  I realized she would never know a time before what seemed to be an event that would change the world for all time.  As it turned out, the change was not so dramatic.  By now I thought there might be regular shuttles to one of the colonies on the moon. 

Lisa is married to Denis (yes, with one “n”).  Their two daughters are Abigail (turning 7 this November) and Ashlyn (turning 5 in August).  About three and a half years ago, Denis suggested to Lisa that they pull up stakes and move from ten hours away to the town in which we live so that they could help us out for the last two years before I could retire.  They did just that.  They have been back in Kentucky for about a year now.  Needless to say, we miss them very much. 

Here is what Lisa wrote:

I had a dream a few nights ago that my Dad was preaching back at our old church in Kansas City. Mom and I were sitting together and some sort of disruption happened outside the sanctuary; I can’t remember exactly what it was. Mom and I rushed to the scene and worked together to solve the crisis. What sticks with me about the dream is that it was Mom before Parkinsons. She and I were together taking care of things, moving quickly, taking charge, making decisions.

It’s been a long time since I have thought about the Mom that could have been. I’ll admit to feeling some envy when my friends talk about their moms who are babysitting grandkids or lunching & shopping together. I do wish we had been able to have those experiences. Even more than that, I wish that my daughters had the opportunity to know the real person inside. Her fun personality and sharp wit are mostly obscured for them, and even for my husband, who has known her 10 years now. That being said, I still have glimpses of her true self from time to time. One visit last fall, Mom & I enjoyed some cinnamon rolls for breakfast. She was pleasant but relatively quiet. After the meal, she needed a bathroom stop. When she reached for the toilet paper, we noticed that I had forgotten to wipe the sticky cinnamon roll from her fingers. We decided it gave a whole new meaning to the phrase “cinnamon buns.” I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time.

 We moved to live near Mom & Dad for 2 years and it was a great experience. It was tiring and sometimes heartbreaking, but also very fulfilling. Being able to help Mom & Dad on a daily basis was invaluable to me because I really felt we were making a significant positive impact in their lives. I liked being available day to day, and in case of emergencies, especially those middle of the night kinds of emergencies. When I could tell Dad was exhausted, I liked being able to come and take care of Mom overnight, so he could get a good night’s sleep; or stay for a few days so he could take a respite trip.

I am glad Dad has been able to retire and be a full-time caregiver. I had a hard time imagining how they would be able to make that work, mostly due to Dad’s need to transition from such a busy work life, to being at home all the time. Although this is nothing like the retirement years I would have wished for them, I think it’s the best it can be given the circumstances. Dad is the best caregiver and advocate for Mom that she could possibly have.

As I read this response from Lisa, I especially appreciated the flashback to Mary Ann’s wicked sense of humor.  I suppose for all of us, losing the person who was without a doubt the center of our household has been the hardest part.  Mary Ann has always been a force to be reckoned with — not in an overbearing way, just by virtue of her personality and her presence.   If it has ever been true about anyone, it is true about Mary Ann — they broke the mold after she was made. 

As I said in the post two evenings ago, we have two remarkable children. Lisa has been a friend to her Mom even through the teen years.  Lisa’s laugh is contagious and Mary Ann could always manage to say or so something that set it off.  She has been a great support to me with her wisdom and her counsel and her concern.

Micah is the sparkle in his Mother’s eyes.  As I mentioned two nights ago, she lights up when he is around.  Micah is the one who was at the hospital when I finally broke down after a week of sleepless nights.  He just held me as I sobbed.  When he was with us during conversations with the doctors, his questions were insightful and probing, getting from the doctors just the information we needed. 

Yes, we have ended up with far better children than we deserved.  By the way, that is my observation only.  Whenever she heard me say that, Mary Ann would claim full responsibility for how well they came out. 

If you want to write a comment about this or any of the posts on this blog, look to the column on the right side of this page, titled “Recent Posts,”  click on the name of a post and you will find a box at the end of that article in which you can write a comment.  Clicking on the title of the post you are reading will accomplish the same thing.  Comments are appreciated.

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